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Beavers and Sluts

hampton_wfc1Ah, summer is officially over – the games are starting again and once again you wonder why you bother 🙂 OK, so Beavers 0 Pussy 1 wasn’t a classic but it’s nice to be back. For those curious, I decided not to join the hoi polloi at Sutton – though SA did, see below – and instead I went to Hampton with the true fans 🙂 Bah, where’s your sense of adventure? 🙂

Anyway, the game if I must. Typical first game back as you probably would expect. We bossed the game most of the time, hit the post twice – once thru a Hampton defender – and in what I think must have been the 89th minute Shippers scored his first of hopefully many for us. Anything else? Well, it wasn’t that exciting…..

Just as pre-season dates are for the team to get into gear again, the same is true for harrassed WFC website owners to get into the swing of writing match reports again. So, pay your £7, pick up some iffy lager or Panda cola, stand behind the archetypial non-league fan with BO and enjoy:

Plus points: We won. Without conceding a goal. Good stuff from McAnuff, who is still being called McMuff by certain people. Looking generally solid. Nice attacking play.

Minus points: Shall I be churlish and say that we looked slow? Nah. Adam Nowland came and went within 5 minutes, done his ankle. Oh dear.

Class: The name of Hampton’s ground – Beaver Close. Stop sniggering.


Not so class: The somewhat wank directions the Hampton web site gives to the ground. Needless to say, I ended up going via Kempton Park. The wrong way.

Scary: Michael Hughes’ new haircut (see right). Makes him look like Stewart Robson

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Being able to buy a drink inside the ground and take it outside to watch the game. I kid you not, this does happen. Plenty of Wombles took advantage of this fucked liberalised way of licencing. (2) The Hampton mascot. Yes, they have a mascot, and guess what it is? A beaver. Obviously not the same size as our obese Womble (but then, an Iveco truck isn’t as big as the Womble) but a beaver? Come on, if you’re going to have a beaver for a mascot at least make sure it’s lifelike : stinking of fish and getting moody once a month would do for starters (oh dear, that’s torn it…)

Do they mean us?: A Hampton website described some WFC fans as “drunk”. Nil commento.

SW19 – Friend of the stars: Got a “hello” from Jon Goodman after the game after I said “all right, Jon?” to him.

Hold on, you haven’t mentioned anything about the game yet: Needless to say, it was pre-season fayre. Shippers’ goal was a header, looping one at that. Does that suffice? I did tell you I needed to get back into the swing of things….

All right then…… was it worth it?: Well, it was enjoyable and I got to see Hampton’s ground.

In a nutshell: Don’t worry, you didn’t miss much.

Meanwhile, over at Sutton, the North Cheam Cab Company gets in on the act, complete with pictures. Most of you will probably recognise the game a bit more. Over to you, SA……


Securicor 1 No sponsor 3

Plus points: A win. A very comfortable win too. Obvious cohesion between the players with much more understanding than this fixture than last year. Looked like a stroll in the park for the most part. Shirts with no sponsor – nice.

Minus points: A dodgy penalty against us. Since when is it illegal to have 4 defenders against one attacker in the penalty area all contesting the ball? The PA man, who announced Ansah Owusu as Samuel Okiokolu and vice versa!

Quotes: (1) “I think you’ll do well in Div 1 if you play like that every week” – certain unknown Sutton fan who obviously thinks that SUFC play in the Premiership! [hope you twatted him – SW19] (2) “Oi, Phillo! Where did you get that?” – SA to our own PA man at Shitehurts, Chris Phillips, who was sporting the new yellow away shirt sans sponsor! Very nice too! (3) “Stuart (Robson) looks like he’s aged a bit” – WFC fan behind me who mistook our Ernie Tippett for our No 2!

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Jermaine Darlington played at right back! Looked very good on the ball too. (2) Lionel Morgan and Wu Tang are rude in the extreme! (3) Wayne Gray scored the goal of the game. (4) Their keeper played like Kelvin (Kelvin didn’t have to!)

In a nutshell: We were slick for the most part and far too good for Sutton who tried hard but lacked imagination. We did not miss BFJ!

Was it worth it? Well, I’d say so, and the pleasant weather helped!

Back to me again. One more thing before I go – John Hartson managed to injure himself in Coventry’s pre-season game today. Those there at Sutton last season will doubtlessly have something to say about that…….