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Not quite Elm Park


Ooh, wasn’t Town 0 City 2 exciting, edge-of-seat stuff or what? No, really, it was, wasn’t it? Oh, I dunno, I wasn’t paying attention at all to the match

As far as end-of-season games go, this was one of the less interesting ones. OK, we went ahead in the first half, with Everard once again performing when required, sending everyone into squeals of delight. Didn’t half do the keeper as well. They got kinda back into it – well, they crossed the half-way line a couple of times – but really it petered out from then on.

Come to think of it, this must be the first game I can remember where nobody actually cared how we did on the pitch. There wasn’t much discussion about it, except the rather shitty KC penalty (complete with a rugby union style kick for the followup – has it reached Swindon yet?). Oh, and their keeper getting concussion. Not pleasant.

Anyway, if I must….

Plus points: Won. Clean sheet. Nothing untowards.

Minus points: Fuck it was boring.

The referee’s a …… : Come to think of it, did he do anything untowards?

Reading: Well, I was told beforehand that Reading Town was a shithole, that it made Feltham look more like Sanderstead, mind yourself etc etc. And guess what? It was OK. No worse than some grounds this season, and Carshalton is worse anyway. Honestly, some people really are paranoid. Anyway, they were hospitable hosts, though £1 for tea, £2-80 for a cheeseburger was taking the piss a bit. Beer was reportedly cheap(er) which explains why copious amounts were consumed yesterday. Nice to see the Reading manager (that’s the Reading Majeski stadium geezer) in the rather nice programme as well.

Don’t abuse booze: Oh dear. Plenty consumed and further justifying SW19’s continued semi-teetotalism. Less said about the Batsford Boys/PISA antics, though having them asking the score was a fair indication of what they got up to. Seeing such otherwise fine upstanding people like 1970s Drummer Womble walking round like a, well, drunk rock star was un-nerving to say the least. When the talk coming home of how to raise money through the Ks bar became pretty damn serious, you know that we have a drink problem (and I don’t mean finding a bar either). Oh, and the worrying site of a very drunk SW19 reader who acted the same as he does when he’s sober was something else….

Point to ponder: Why the hell does Joe Sheerin look shagged out before half time? Seriously, he looked like the unfit kid at sports day struggling the last 10 yards in a 50 yard sprint. He was redder in the face than Koppout would be being caught in a farmyard with his trousers down


Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The furry creature above that is officially known as a lion but instead looks more like a Disney character on methodone. Reputedly on loan from Reading FC, presumably as a token gesture, and to be fair he/it did go down very well. Especially with those who felt the need to abuse him. I do wonder about these mascots though, the last ginger-haired creature that was last seen stroking children within the Reading area was arrested. (2) Everyone – and I mean everyone – getting lost due to suspect driving instructions. No ambushes though. (3) Didn’t the linesman look like a pub landlord or what?

Did you know? That to be officially considered a programme (as opposed to a matchday magazine) you need a certain amount of adverts? Just in case you ever wonder if Y&B doesn’t get the Programme of the year

Woking watch: Rather worryingly, he always divulges information to me every time I see him at games. Hope he’s not publicity hungry. Anyway, our morally superior pisstake figure hero spent last Saturday within the Robert Peel public house in Kingston. Now, for the uninitated, said hostelry is in fact a strip joint. Nothing so untowards there, but Woking was in there with none other than the Walton Casuals chairman (who reportedly enjoyed every minute of his experience. And the game as well) and – wait for it – Joe Sheerin. Ah, so that’s why he’s always so red…

Hello mum: At least two Wombles got onto the team bus coming back and were able to compare notes. I have no idea what that means………..

Anything else? Yeah, I’ll be glad when this season’s over. Gives me some AFCW respite and also I can collate the SW19 End Of Season Poll that is making its comeback this year. Confused? You’ll have to wait, won’t you?

So, was it worth it? If I owned the bar yesterday, I’d say yes.

In a nutshell: Watch out Vile