Skip to content

Green Dor


Hooray, it’s back. No, the football I mean (what else were you thinking of?). Anyway, typical meaningless pre-season friendly or not, Dorchester 0 Travelodge 3 was one of the best team performances by any Wimbledon side I’ve seen for many a year. Seriously. I think it was made better by the fact that Dorchester were about 2-3 divisions higher than us, playing a mostly first team as well and to be honest, we outplayed them. First goal was a bit of defensive mixup (IIRC) with JS netting, conveniently ignoring his handball. Second goal, again by JS, was more well worked stuff, and the third goal was a good header by the man who redefined the phrase “more power to your elbow”, one Danny Oakins.

Other than that? Well….

Plus points: We won. Away. To a team a lot higher than us. Leon White could be the new John Fashanu (hopefully minus the match fixing, pro-franchising and generally becoming a parody of himself). Defence looked dead solid.

Minus points: Should have scored six

The referee’s a …….. : New season, same old bollocks. He managed to miss a bit, though he did provide us with one of the more surreal moments late in the game. See “Truth” below.

Them: Despite the road from the M27 to the ground making the N-roads in Ireland look like the M25, nice little place. Nice new ground, actually making an attempt to be aesthetically pleasing. They were pretty happy with our turnout and were quite impressed with our play. Bloody well hope so as well. Incidentally, there is a big Tescos next door, in a model akin to what I imagine Denbigh North to look like (though the Dorchester model has a lot more landscaping and a community to boot). Apparently, Tesco could be building on their ground so the supermarket giant has to find them another place in Dorchester to play AND build them a bigger ground. Hmm, wonder if we should cultivate Wal-Mart to do the same for us? There aren’t many supermarkets around Kingston and Merton could do with a new stadium….

Quotes: (1) “Are you trying to fuck him?” – sexually repressed Womble (no, not me) commenting on an on-ground tussle between two players. Right…. (2) “He’s very photogenic despite that fucking haircut” – slur on 1970s Drummer Womble (happily posing on the photo to your top left). Hey, these rock stars aren’t just successful for their musicianship.

Song sung blue: Motivated by the occasion, and doubtless plenty of scrumpy, a group of buoyant Wombles raided their stand and gave an impassioned rendition of “Everywhere We Go” (X Wiggins version) along with many others. Predictably, as the game wore on the singing became a little less passionate, a bit more drawn out and eventually slumbered into nothing. Doubtless, the travelling from London to Dorset took its toll on the hardy vocalists.

Point to ponder: Mentioned yesterday, worth mentioning here. Aren’t non-league pre-seasons competitive? There were plenty of hard challenges going in yesterday certainly.

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Towards the end, the ref collapsed due to severe cramp and had to be taken off. With the image of the ref on the floor with legs apart looking like something from a German gay porn film (apparently) or a pro-wrestling style figure-four leglock, the ref was stretchered off to a rousing reception. So to speak. Anyway, we needed a lino and Nicky English (who according to CUNW looked more like Dennis Lowndes. A lot more like Dennis Lowndes) came on and did the flag waving duties. As he was lining the end we were defending, the amount of offsides given rose significantly. (2) Why was there a guy with a Palace top at the game? (3) Being charged £6.50 (or was it £7.50?) for entrance. No, I’ve no idea why either. (4) The return of Panda Pops cola to your local football ground. And yes, it’s still true that if you suffer from any sugar intolerance or diabetes, one swig of it will kill you.

Anything else? Yes. Why is every town in Dorset prefixed or suffixed with “puddle” or “piddle”? Oh, and I went through a place called Morden yesterday, which needless to say was typically full of gap toothed idiots, products of incestuous relationships, all with slack jaws and whose only motivation in life is to drink cheap alcohol and to fight at random. The Morden in Dorset isn’t much better.

So, was it worth it? Aye.

In a nutshell: Nice to be back I suppose.

Coincidentally, the share issue raised its projected £1m-by-last-Friday target, seemingly through solely fan-based contributions. Which considering the rather iffily timed launch and no sight of the TBWA ad beyond the internet is a an even more pretty amazing achievement. Now, this is where the hard work starts, and thankfully it’s not just me saying it either. The much needed external help is about to kick in : TBWA ad looks like it’s finally going to be aired on some satellite stations which might have been its original intention anyway. Though it seems it was heavily reliant on the £1m being raised beforehand, which IMO was an un-necessarily high risk strategy. Still, it worked.

As it stands, officially about another £1m-1.25m needs to be raised, though realistically another £2m needs to be found. I’d love to see who could sponsor the Athletics End….