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It never Raynes…


And after the first game at KM since the ice age, normality was restored, namely Pride of Merton 7 Pus of Merton 0. Yup, today was the Merton Derby, and in traditional fashion we came, we saw, we whipped their arses. We opened the scoring on 2 minutes, scramble by Everard. Insert joke here. Despite Vile trying to come back in it (we nearly came a cropper through a free kick of theirs, but thankfully their shooting was as wayward as a drunk driver), we doubled the lead with Lee Sidwell doing the honours. From then on, it was mostly us : a rocket by Harvey made it 3-0, delighting us and MC himself, judging by his celebration. No idea why, unless he’s seen So Solid Crew’s latest sales figures and sees an alternative career.

While you’re working that last sentence out, we made it 4-0 through hat-trick hero (cliche alert) Kevin Cooper. Forget what the goal was like but it was a bit easy anyway. HT came and went quicker than it took the tea bar queue to die down, by which time KC crossed majestically on the byline for Ryan Gray to net. Boy, was their keeper sick. More goals were forthcoming, namely KC again with his head for 6-0. WUP still have the “Kevin Cooper Head” t-shirts BTW. Finally, to complete Vile’s ritual humiliation, KC netted again for 7-0. The strange sight of (a) the Vile goalie celebrating when he thought SW20’s finest (?) had a penalty, and (b) Harvey’s jump for glee at the final whistle notwithstanding, a professional performance was definitely one for the record books.

Inwards and upwards…

Plus points: Win. Again. Clean sheet. Again. Kept pressing and pressing. Again. Etc.

Minus points: Should have got more.

The referee’s a….. : Damn, he had a reasonably good game, only missing a couple of tackles. This means I can’t do my planned soliloquy about how it’s Xmas and we should be giving time and help to those less fortunate to ourselves, like referees who have lost their white stick

Them: It was their cup final and they blew it. OK, they did at least try, they were a bit more up for it than most teams and they could have equalised a couple of times when it was 1-0. After 3-0, they decided to put it about a little bit. Didn’t quite work though.. Oh, and last season, there were about 30 Vile fans at the game : this year, I don’t think I saw any. Perhaps the lot who turned up last year were all Dobo’s mates?

The PA: Don’t know what acid Phillo takes, but a couple of those Xmas songs were a bit on the iffy side to say the least. The Selhurst Park retro “Boys Are Back In Town” was described by somebody high up in WISA as “cheesy”. Won’t say who though, she’d kill me (oops).

End to End action: Because of the big crowd we were told not to swap ends at HT. Despite the protestations that it was “professionalism killing the family spirit” – quite – a couple of anarchic minded Wombles did stick two fingers up at police advice. Being the festive spirit, I will not name those who did, but you all deserve a jolly good whipping. Anyway, you took up space down the hardcore Athletics End….

Point to ponder: Can anyone see Paul Scott staying that long? Put it this way, if he’d showed any more ball to the opposition he’d be arrested for indecent exposure.

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Next game, on no account anyone say “At least it’s not raining”, because you can guess what was said before the heavens opened. (2) The faded furry bit on Everard’s shirt (and somebody else’s shirt come to think of it). I know that when similiar happens to replica shirts, it’s because too many people enjoy stroking said furry patch. What’s the excuse of certain members of our first team? On second thoughts, do we really want to know? (3) I was told that Kris Stewart was helping behind the bar before the game. Either he’s hands on or he’s trying to save money on bar staff. (4) The crowd. Good, wasn’t it? OK, I was slightly disappointed that it was below 4k….

Anything else? Urm, not really. WUP was good though.

So, was it worth it? Bragging rights in the Merton Derby? Is the Pope unlikely to be needing a 2005 calendar?

In a nutshell: One team in Merton.