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Roll over Beethoven

First things first – there will NOT be a Cove report as although I’ll be at the game, I won’t be near enough a computer afterwards to write one. You all know about C&H and NGU, so the next SW19 report from me will be the PCC Cup Final. So you’ve got a break from me for a while (stop cheering)


Speaking of getting a break for a while, I think we’ve now entered that strange limbo stage of the season. The championship is ours, the PCC cup final is a mere two weeks away, and as Cheese 0 Kitsch 6 proved, I think we really cannot wait until next season. At times, the whole atmosphere felt like the Lord Mayor’s Show (post) or a Surrey game at the Oval. Plenty of polite applause, warm sunshine, that kind of thing. All we needed was tea on the lawn, orangeade for the kids, cucumber sandwiches and a good book to wile away the hours. The game? We were 4-0 up by half time, KC, Jamie Taylor and Bolger (not SSK) doing the honours. And really, people were interested but not entirely raptured…

Second half just as exciting, with everyone’s favourite hun Ginge netting the 5th and kissing his badge to boot. Finally, the game was killed off with a minute glance off KC’s head, following a superb cross. And that, as they say, was that.

Shall we? Oh, go on….

Plus points: I was accused of being too positive for the Walton game, so I’m not going to add anything here

Minus points: Dull as fuck.

The referee’s a……: Again, didn’t do anything wrong as such. For the second game in a row, we had a female 4th official, though unlike the Walton bit of totty wasn’t the sort you would have liked to have booking you for a firm tackle.


Them: If I was going to do the SW19 Poll again this year (which I’m not, it was too much bloody hard work last year for too little reward), I think Merstham would run away with the Favourite Away Ground award. Thanks to our generosity, plus a grant or two, the place was unrecognisable : the clubhouse (above), despite looking like a Travelodge, was spotless and new, and is let out to playgroups. There were proper turnstiles and a few bits of paving as well all around. Plus the fence to keep the riff-raff out (or to keep the fans in). More on the culinary fayre later, but in these sort of cases, we really have done teams like Merstham good. And their chairman tried to shake everyone’s hands again (and failed). As for the team, looked like Hull City. And their #10 shoved people a bit.

Crowded house: Anyone got any ideas on what the attendance was? Must have been about 1200 or so.

Point to ponder: How many pissed off people did I meet today? I mean, how many people regretted not going to Walton on Monday?

Truth is stranger than fiction: Being sold a strip of raffle tickets by a Merstham woman, about 55 but with dyed black hair and a facelift that makes Kylie “More plastic than a Visa factory” Minogue’s look decent (removes claws). Had a suggestive mind as well. Just what goes on in these little villages in this isle?


Food and drink: Yup, the cheese rolls. Between 250 and 1000 (depending on who you listened to) made today, including variations (pickle, onion, ham). All sold out by 2.40pm. Reportedly very crispy, not soft at all. On sale for £1. There was a barbeque as well, which apparently tasted very nice. Some considered it a bit pricy but then you can’t have everything. The reaction on people’s faces when they found out they couldn’t have a cheese roll was priceless. And you thought that Merstham were going to make that mistake again? Oh, and the tea on sale was 50p and tasted like they’d used the Plough Lane teabag that has been in storage since 1987.

Franchise watch: Oh, who really gives a fuck? They relegated Bradford today by winning 3-2. Some degree of irony there, though chances are, they’re just playing out of their skins for a dream move to anywhere where there’s a football team.

Anything else? KM sounded, er, interesting on Monday night. No, I didn’t go. Alcohol is evil. Sounds like I missed a lot, including throwing up, shagging in the toilets*, and people generally letting go. And that was just the bar staff.

* – at least, that’s what I thought I heard.

So, was it worth it? Probably.

In a nutshell: You got to roll with it….

See you for the PCC cup final.