Skip to content

A poor April fool joke


Order Tramadol Online Us Bloody typical. You hype a game up, you place expectancy upon expectancy, you make plans for the post-match Championship bash and what happens? Hersham Boys 4 West End Girls 0. And we were lucky to get nil.

Quite simply, this game was dog turd, mixed with rancid goat spunk, marinaded with llama phlegm. I don’t think we had one shot on target. I don’t even recall their goalkeeper having to do anything. He might as well have put his hands down his shorts and think of Sharon Davis instead. So, what went wrong? Complacency? Possibly. The trouble is, we’re a promoted side, and really we don’t need to exhert ourselves any more. Half the players as we all know won’t be starting in August, so really, why do they need a Championship medal? Or indeed, put in the necessary now? In many ways, it’s after the Lord Mayor’s Show.

Is it discipline? By all accounts, the players enjoyed a pissup on Monday evening. Which is fair enough I suppose. But you can’t tell me that these sort of things don’t affect players. In his autobiography, Roy Keane mentioned that they were given sandwiches two days before a game against Holland, and subsequently ran out of energy during the match. We can assume that hangovers were clearing on Wednesday at the earliest, meaning that they had just been match sharp by about 4pm today. Which is ironically the same time that we’d starting playing well. Or is it something else entirely? I dunno. What pissed me off was the fact that over 2000 people turned up expecting something and we were let down. Unfortunately, at a club called Wimbledon, this tends to happen. Any FA/League cup semi final bar 1988 springs to mind. More recently, AFC Wallingford away in our first season was the last embarassing situation (and I’m not just referring to that press statement we put out after the Lee Bowyer/Kieron Dyer type discussion in the bar at half time).

Whatever, next week against the Met is quite vital. We’ll probably see Kevin Cooper back, personally I hope he has a stinker, as I won’t be able to take the caterwauling that he should still be an AFCW player if he nets a hat-trick. If we put even 10% more into the game than we did today (though that wouldn’t be difficult) we should be too strong for the Pigs. Remember a couple of months ago I said that we were due to stuff somebody? Why do I get the feeling that we’re due another one?

Still, shouldn’t be too hard. These are the same players who got us promotion only on Monday, and they’re allowed an off-day every so often. Perhaps it’s lucky we are up, had we played like that needing the points I wouldn’t be nearly so reserved in my vent spleening. And no, I’m not writing what happened in the game. Download the highlights, tape over them with the latest Doctor Who and enjoy the recording again and again. Anyway….

Plus points: Well, it does prove that we can win Championships outside Walton now.

Minus points: The period of play between 3pm and 4.50pm.

The referee’s a…..: I can’t even blame him for all our ills, though a lot of others are. OK, he did let a couple of injuries go, and he wasn’t the best, but blaming him would be like farting during a minutes silence and pointing the finger at the guy next to you.

Them: Despite today, I want W&H to go up for two reasons. Firstly, we owe a lot of our history to them – Allen Batsford, Dave Donaldson, Billy Edwards and of course Harry – and it’s quite ironic that we should have gone up into the bigger boys league there. Secondly, getting to their place is a helluva lot easier than getting to Horsham. They had quite a few there, some of them even turned up to last week’s game against Newport. They did celebrate like they’d just won the World Cup though. Mind you, we would have celebrated had we managed to string more than three passes together.

Song sung blue: We got a “Are you Molesey in disguise?” from them today. I wouldn’t think we were, somehow. They also sung “you’ve got no history”. Neither have they. Well, actually, they have, but their history makers achieved it at Plough Lane.

Point to ponder: Or Conspiracy Theory Of The Year. We deliberately lost today because we want to win at KM so we get all the bar receipts to pay off the Ground Fund. Somehow, nobody is going to believe that…

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Last time we played there, we lost 5-0. Today, we lost 4-0. By my reckoning, we should get our first victory at Stompold Lane in 2009. (2) Apparently, a giant pizza turned up for the people in the programme hut… (3) Was that our worst ever loss in the league? (4) What was with those pirate hats that the boat people were wearing? Have our fans taken to nautical crime, preying on poor defensiveless people to fund their wanton avarice? That’s Ken Livingstone’s job. Incidentally, I believe it was followed by a police patrol boat….

Anything else? Yes, today we must think of the Pope and his frail nature. I am of course referring to Pope Richard 1 of Walthamstow diocese, who partook the holy water a bit too religiously*. As for Jana Pawla II himself, did you know he was a Fulham fan? Or at least he used to stand on the terraces at Craven Cottage during the 1930s (he was studying for a priesthood in Roehampton. A missed opportunity for us methinks). Perhaps some divine intervention on behalf of the Pontiff could fuck up Chelski’s title hopes yet.

* – well, actually he appeared OK but I just had to put that in. Certainly more alive than most of our players. Then again, I think the real JP2 would have been more effective today

So, was it worth it? Actually, yes. Winning championships is over-rated. Buying a trophy cabinet is too pricy and it costs us a fortune in Brasso. Finishing second is the new first. We always like to brag about how AFCW is going to change things. Well, for once let’s prove it. Next week, call for DA’s head if we’re not 5-0 down at half time….

In a nutshell: Still going up.

One more thing: Unless my work pattern changes, I won’t be at the Sutton game. So if anyone wants to see their work in lights, please email me as per usual. Also, anyone who wants to write up the Tooting and Mitcham game as well, please let me know.