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End of a season

Ah well, that’s that then. Upcoming is a period of emptyness, of long drawn-out summer days. Silence, wearyness and the inevitable conclusion of deathly solitude. Purgatory is most definitely upon us

I am of course referring to Chelski’s Premiershit win, and anyone who lives in South West London and their satellite towns are in for a rough few months. Ignore the fact that they bought the title like you would buy a tin of biccies. Ignore the fact that their victory will be less respected, remembered and celebrated than even Blackburn’s was. Right now, the amount of muggings, stabbings in pubs, rapes, racial assaults, drug dealing and out and out illegal activity in these parts has skyrocketed. Make no mistake, not only is their victory damaging to our sensibilities but guaranteed to put our tax up to pay for the extra police needed when their fans have a couple of shandies.

The sooner Abramovich gets his Siberian jail-saving UK citizenship, and the sooner Chelski go back to mid-table obscurity, and the sooner their fans fuck off back to their bedrooms to wank over their pictures of Peter Osgood and Adolf Hitler the better. And I haven’t even started on old SW19 favourite Graham Rix (nope, still have never forgotten his Gary Glitterness) or Clive “plucking the chicken” Walker….

Oh, and if anyone sees ex-Watford and now Chelski tosser Tim Lovejoy of Sucker AM tonight, or indeed any time in the future, please push him in front of an oncoming vehicle. On second thoughts, his death will ensure that Sky will show wall-to-wall Sucker AM as a tribute to his distinct lack of talent, so just kick his bollocks if you can find them. Thank you.

Anyway, as for BHT 1 BHS 3, it had an almost eery feeling of pre-season friendly about it. A very warm day (haven’t felt so hot at a game since Harrow Boro PSF last year), not helped by my ill-advised wearing of my leather jacket. And yes, I did take it off. Eventually. Quiet enough game and quite a few fringe players on the pitch as well.

So, what happened in the game? Well, not a great deal actually. There was the first real effort on 28 minutes, their goalie saved well. Then we scored on 36 minutes. Couldn’t see a fucking thing, but the OS kindly states :

“Another charge down the right flank saw Howard in acres of space to drive an accurate shot across keeper Sullivan into the net.”

Couldn’t have written it better myself.

Second half? Well, I suppose not much more really. Randall scored on 50 minutes, netting after we’d hit the bar. Come to think of it, we hit the bar a lot. And I don’t just mean off the pitch either. They got it back to 2-1 with an excellent, superb, magnificent goal. Shame nobody was watching (including our defence). Despite feelings that we could conceed a second, we made it 3-1 with Gavin Bolger. Everyone celebrated, and I mean, everyone. Cue all the subs, the coaching staff, Dennis the kitman and DA himself running to the corner to join in. Surrealism rules, but then it was that kind of day. Then again, it’s been that kind of season.

And I won’t mention the well known AFCW fan who said “let’s have a goal” before we scored.


Plus points: Ah hell, a nice win. Good performance by a reasonably understrength side. Didn’t need to play hard but still a bit lively.

Minus points: Bloody warm. And conceding.

Them: Very hospitable, appeared very organised, deserved their record crowd of 2005 and their financial problems earlier this season must surely have helped matters. Even little things like directions to the (full) car park from the A2300 didn’t go un-noticed. Horrible kit. Appear to wilt just a little bit in the heat when they went 2-0 down. Little bit of a pikey area though, couple of people worried about their wheels. Unconfirmed reports of some local scallies trying to lob eggs at the open top buses. Needless to say, they missed..

Song sung blue: Only people bothering to sing today – apart from BHT’s bank manager – were the little group of BHT fans in the stand, all nine of them. Armed with their voices and a sort of drum, they sung pretty much pissed enthusiastically for much of the 90 minutes. Cue such ditties as “Are you Kingston in disguise?”, “We’re going to win 3-2”, “We’re going to win 4-3” when realism set in. Oh and “What’s it like to hear a crowd?”. Dunno. What’s it like to see one?

Quote of the day: More accurately, quote of the entire season. A certain SW19 reader saying “Come on ref, blow up for full time”. All very well and good, except this was at 3.06pm.

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) BHT win the award for best PA announcement ever, which went something like: “Security announcement : if you want a beer at half time, make sure you hold on to your glasses as we are running low”. You never quite got that at SP… (2) What the hell was that “Uber Dons” banner about? Looked like something from a German regional division team. (3) Who were those three gentlemen openly rocking one of the portaloos during the second half? That sort of stuff was so 1980s. (4) Sight of steward drinking beer whilst in uniform. It really was that kind of day.

Anything else? Yes, the people who walked from KM to Burgess Hill completed their 45 miles trek. Many will applaud them for their endeavour. Me, I just think they’re too tight to take the train….

So, was it worth it? Game? No. Occasion? Yes. Sight of topless 40something drunk male AFCW fans with less than flattering physiques doing congas? Pass.

In a nutshell: Right, let’s sort out W&H on Tuesday….