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All or nothing

For some inexplicable reason, I feel the urge to put fingers to keyboard. I don’t know whether it’s because Xav Wiggins is now on the Peterborough board (and IMO we missed a great opportunity when he didn’t get on the DT board) or Saturday’s game, but I’m so fidgety right now that if I put my hands in my pockets I’ll get done for lewd conduct.

In effect, it’s the Playoff Quarter final. You know the drill by now. Win and it’s guaranteed. Lose and we’re out. If we get the inevitable draw in a shit game with precious little skill and retarded tactics, we’re relying on Hendon to trip up Margate.

It’s now pointless waxing lyrical about the 3 point deduction, or the outright refusal of our team to win games. That’s all in the past. What matters now is that period of time on Saturday in a field in Essex. I’ve no doubt it will be a fraught day, especially if we’re not winning early on. Those with Hendon/Margate connections will be bugging Claremont Road for anything, even if a player farts. And I bet the ETU tannoy bloke won’t read out the scores as they go in.

This all said, I don’t think it’s really sunk in how big Saturday is. Christ, this season seems to have gone so quickly, although not necessarily for the right reasons. It is quite conceivable that come 5pm in two days time, our season will be over. Gone. Kaput. The recriminations will start at about 5.01pm, and that’s only because we’ll have taken a minute to draw breath. It will mean a radical overhaul of the on-field department, and time will tell if that’s a good thing.

Why isn’t there such a buildup right now? I think it’s because deep down, we’re expecting the worst. Let’s face it, this past season month hasn’t exactly been awe inspiring. You can predict how the game is going to go even at this early stage : loads of aimless hoofing, difficult pitch, hostile opponents giving it 200% more than usual. It will be a struggle simply because that’s the mindset we’re in right now.

A win will be treated as a massive bonus. Christ, even three passes put together is considered a result right now. Confidence ain’t exactly sky high. And yet, and yet, and yet…….. there is this niggling little pocket of optimism that feels out of place in the body of negativity. Somehow, you’re kind of convinced it will be all right in the end. Perhaps there is reason to be less than suicidal? It’s still in our hands, we’ve played badly and lost points and yet could still finish a decent fourth. When they’re not calling us cheats and blaming us for every single ill in the league, fans of other Ryman clubs think we’ve got the luck this season. Perhaps we have?

Perhaps there is one last hurrah left this season? We haven’t had a massive barnstormer since about Tonbridge away. And that was in February. Since then, we’ve been ground down in one way, shape or form. Or to be more accurate, we’ve sucked dick since we left the poshe part of Kent. Even the post-Appeal wins haven’t been on a par with the games earlier this season. Maybe it’s time for that sort of cavalier, devil-may-care swashbuckling performance to come through again? If you’re going to put on a three-game winning streak, there’ll never be a better time to do it.

The trouble is, you can’t really see it happening. Whenever you get a twinge that all will be well, you put on DonsOnline and look at Swifts last week. Just as winning becomes a habit, so does putting in horseshit performances. Can we really raise our game for ETU? If we can, are we capable of building on it for the biggest week of the season? Remember, we’ll be coming at it from a less-than-impressive set of games, and it’ll be very hard to turn that around quick.

If truth be told, I’m unsure how to approach Saturday. I’m expecting a lot, but at the same time I’m expecting nothing if that makes sense. Mind you, this season hasn’t really made sense either. Somehow though, and as unexplainable as it is, we’ll be taking to the field again next week.

Satan help me if I’m wrong….