Skip to content


Well, there wasn’t any mass brawls. There were no obvious signs of bloodshed and as far as I know no trophy cabinets were damaged, no hoardings defaced and no “accidental” fouling of toilets today. If anything, Tenants 0 Landlords 2 was quite sedate.

A lot has been said about the relationship between us and Ks, not all of it positive. I myself hadn’t been to any Ks fixture for a good two seasons, and if truth be told I didn’t really know what to expect. In the end, I found myself more concerned with us getting a third goal than getting out alive.

The game first. I think this was all in all reasonably comfortable and I think we do have the ability to go a couple of gears higher. Was it a feast of intensity like FCUM last week? Not really, although Simon Sohiby (remember him?) tried to “settle the score” so to speak. Had it been a league game he would have been off. Mind you, had it been a league game he might not have lasted long enough to get red carded.

Of note was Fergie’s two goals, which managed to be both sublime and pretty ridiculous. His first effort was a wonderstrike from outside the box. The second goal was a bit, well, weird. From memory, the ball was crossed in, it bounced off the goalkeeper and hit Fergie on the ear. His delicate touch with his lobe put us 2-0 ahead, although by that stage I think us scoring again was pretty inevitable.

The rest of the game was really about getting fitness up and not getting any injuries. By the looks of it, job done. We do seem to pass/keep the ball pretty well, and again we are finding those gaps to shoot in. Somehow, people will feel a bit more confident going into this first proper game of the season this time rather than last year…

Off the field, it must be said that 702 is not a bad turnout at all. Especially for a fixture that brings out a lot of comments. Whether it was the fact it was a nice day, whether it’s the renewed optimism that the TB era has brought or something else entirely I don’t know. But today was actually quite enjoyable.

And to be honest, I think a few doubters may have thawed their attitudes today if they were there. I can’t comment on the internal politics of Kingstonian, but they do appear a bit more settled as a club now. Their main hate figures are Khosla and Sutton United, and for the most part, it ain’t us. Granted, there are a couple of shit-stirrers but perhaps the bulk of the Ks lot have quite simply moved on?

Are things now all hunky dory? Probably not. I still reckon that minimum Ks involvement in maintaining the ground over the summer (both manhours and money) rankles a lot. Likewise the cost of the pitch – do Ks put any money into it? I certainly know at least three people who deliberately turned up late today because they wouldn’t give Ks a penny. Still waters certainly run all too deep.

In addition, I still hold reservations about holding this fixture every year, at least for the paying of Ks rent. Maybe hold it once every two years or so, and Ks find another way to pay their dues. Previous attendances in PSFs between us and them have been 4500, 1417, 1101, 871 and 596. Ignore the first one, as that was the initial burst in 2002. Unless you play this fixture first off, when people are glad to be back at football, this will continue to be a reasonably poor attended game. And even then, that assumes peoples’ reluctance to back Ks subsides enough.

The truth is, it’s in our interests to have Ks becoming healthy and vibrant again, if only because it reduces the need to have this fixture as their payment. I don’t believe we’ll be fighting for the same potential fanbase, as I don’t know too many Ks fans who follow us and they need to get back most of all the people they’ve lost over the past five years. The stronger they become the less they’ll feel the need to blame us anyway. And if we did need to do any refurbishing of a roof or something like that, wouldn’t it be nice not to have to fund it all ourselves…….

All that to stop me writing about a pre-season friendly. Here goes nothing….

Plus points: We won. Clean sheet. Not really majorly troubled. Fergie. Finn. Webb. Looking more of a unit.

Minus points: Bit dull.

The referee’s a…….: Today saw the return to officialdom duties of the notorious Mr Fish. Yes, he of THAT Godalming and Guildford game way back in October 2002. Here’s what I wrote about him way back when:

Oh gawd, how can I write any of this without breaking libel and slander laws even further than before. OK, compose thyself : the referee, nameless as I seriously doubt he has a legal birth certificate, was described very early on in the game as Napoleon. Reason being that “he looks little and has got a power complex”. I will ask said person in future for lottery numbers as rather spookingly (and disgustingly) that’s exactly how it turned out. Things were going relatively OK for the first 60 minutes then he lost it big time. To sum up his performance without me getting sued, he played 20 minutes of injury time, he sent off Robbo, TE and Paul Braham (our fitness coach) for breaking up a fight. He booked Simon Bassey as well but then who hasn’t? Those there can doubtless fill in your own expletives for him, personally, I think the guy saw the crowd and lost it. Either that or he is having sexual liasons with Koppout, Wankelmann and a decapitated deer from Richmond Park.

And if you think it couldn’t get any worse, he’s an ex-Prem ref and is (ahem) officiating us next week at Walton. That is, if the little chickenfucker can shake off the police escort he reportedly received after the game.

Five years later and he finally returned. Perhaps after his “performance” back then he went into a major decline, suffering a huge mental breakdown after his subconscious cognitive processing procedures made him realise he was a complete and utter spunkbrain? Anyway, his rehabilitation has taken this long, and today he was eventually deemed fit enough to handle one of our games again. Not to referee obviously, and there’s no way he could risk another 2000 people wanting to kill him again. So they chose this game, which after all was guaranteed to be a quarter full. How did he do? Actually, he didn’t do much wrong. Come to think of it, he didn’t do much at all. Mind you, he did flag for a foul for us and the referee gave it the other way. Maybe the ref had his own doubts?

Them: Nothing really more to add that I haven’t said already. Mind you, they did start to kick us a bit before the end. Can’t say I blame them – it was their cup final and they were losing…..

Point to ponder: As mentioned to me today by another AFCW webmaster. Why do people assume that the last PSF of a close season are the best? For the most part, they suck the big one : nobody wants to get hurt, the whole thing is cagey and people just want to get on with the season. Plus of course, all the while we remain in this level of football we will always be starting later than most other teams….

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Actually, how weird is it that everyone else has started their season and we haven’t? Hopefully this time next year I won’t need to mention it. (2) Speaking of weird, seeing our officials walking around KM with “visiting official” badges. (3) One of our chief stewards walking around with a certain t-shirt that did cause one or two, ahem, embarrasing conversations. Anyway, if it does ruin your carpet get wooden floors instead. It’s easier to mop up that way. (4) Ks PA bloke referring to the ground as KM. Not the Cherry Red Records Fans Peoples Revolution Karl Marx Workers Stadium or whatever it’s called this week.

Anything else? Yeah, the Frenzies finally opened their incomplete 22000 30000 stadium. And how many of the seats did they fill? All 22k? Not quite. 15k as they predicted beforehand? Surely the 9k they got against West Ham stiffs? Urm, 7k. Yup, 7k. Not exactly the frenzy of football.

See, this was the Big Opening Day. The whole country – nay, world – was supposed to look upon MK as the shining new beacon of football. And what is happening? Well, they lose 2-1 to the North West giants of…, Bury. Having sold their top striker just days before, for a fee less than what they wanted and they have to give 40% to Derby.

But it gets better. We all know the stadium isn’t finished capacity wise. But neither are the executive boxes. Nor the odds and sods like car parking. And surely that Asda will let them park in their store’s car park for nothing? Not quite. Park your car in Asda to spend a couple of hours in the WankieDome and your reward for your loyalty is a £40 fine. Yes, that’s right – the company that used Wankie to get their store is rewarding their supporters with fines. Somehow, irony has never tasted so sweet.

And now they’re crying their eyes out. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. See, today you were supposed to be playing Manchester United at the WankieDome. 30k crowds, surely? Look at the reality. You are in what we used to call the 4th division. Your glorious new stadium is half built, half opened and by the sound of it half operational. Worth fucking up the entire structure of English football, wasn’t it?

If you want to know why the anger will never fully go away, it’s days like this. Yes, you may still become champions, but you’ve had everything on a plate. You’ve had shitloads of marketing thrown at you. You’ve had free tickets. You’ve had the authorities bending over backwards, and where are you now in your brand spanking new stadium? 7000 in a stadium of 22000. That’s the same stats that a team called Wimbledon FC had. Funny how suddenly it’s now acceptable isn’t it? We had our club stolen because Wankie claimed WFC couldn’t substain it.

I want to see Franchise dead. But if that won’t happen, I’ll settle for the next best thing. As Franchise cannot possibly survive on crowds of 5-7k in a stadium of 22k, it’s time they were relocated to somewhere like Weston-Super-Mare which is starved of football. We at AFCW are well aware of this, which is why we will NEVER move on fully. We have AFCW, but deep down we will still slit your throat given half the chance. Assuming you haven’t done it yourself already.

So take it you sluts. Today, you thought the whole world would be lining up to give you the nob polishing of a lifetime. Well instead you’ve spent the last couple of years being buttfucked by Wankie in a smelly pokey bedsit. And now you’ve entered the big house, you find you’ve got no money, no respect from anyone. And worse of all, a man in a suit is removing your trousers, bending you over the couch and saying to you, “you do realise that fist can also be a verb”………

So, was it worth it? Guess so.

In a nutshell: Roll on next Saturday