Bollocks – SW19's ARMY

Bollocks. Bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks. Bollocks.

Bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks. Bollocks. Bollocks. Bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks.

Bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks bollocks.

Bollocks. Oh, and cock.

I’m not too sure how else I’m going to approach Angels 2 Jezebels 2, but here goes. If I had a dog, I’d kick it. Tonight proved what happens when you don’t have a goalkeeper you’re confident in. I don’t blame either shotstopper for having to come in at short notice, but it’s fair to say if AL was fit tonight, we’d be talking about three points and third in the league.

Corrin Brooks-Meade had enough potential there, and TBH I blame our defender more for their first goal than he did. I’m glad Dons Online is no more, that defensive fuckup would cause me to drink heavily. But the other guy, whose name I didn’t catch, I felt sorry for him in the end. He was only 19 or something, and it got to the stage I was hoping Luke Garrard would swap with him. It would have been kinder. The poor guy flapped at the first easy catch, couldn’t kick to save his life and Tonbridge knew it. I’m told of the legend that was Don Shanks – I would like to know if this was the modern day equivalent.

Truth is, we threw this away big time. Yes, it was a fantastic OG, which the PA announcer gave to Webb out of sheer embarrassment/sympathy. Shame our lot chanted “Own goal own goal, own goal own goal”. Yes, Mark DeB’s free kick was lucky. But we were 2 fucking goals up and we gave – no, gifted – them two goals back. In fact, it was really a case of when, not if Tonbridge would win. Christ, they hit the post and can consider themselves unlucky.

I don’t know whether the players had no confidence between the sticks, but at times Boreham Wood kept flashing through my mind. At other times, Leyton reared its ugly tortoise head as well. Once or twice, I had flashbacks to Worthing away. Remember that? I wish I didn’t. This was the sort of second half performance that I thought we’d finally got out of our system. Even then, DeB and the unsure-whether-I’m-impressed-or-not Reggie Savage could have had it for us. But I’m sorry – this ain’t going to even get us in the playoffs, let alone promotion.

Yes, tonight might have been one of those games. I know we can’t have it all our own way every single time. I know that like share prices, your enjoyment of the season can go down as well as up. And we will have worse games and gain 3 points. But Chelmsford are probably high-fiving themselves right now and by fuck that pisses me off.

Bad day at the office? Bad something or other anyway. I can cope if we’re shit. But we’re not. The need for a new striker is beyond doubt now – people are going to blame Webb whatever he does now (even if he nets a hat-trick in the FAT final for us), DeB can’t do it on his own, and Marcus Gayle now appears more and more to be a shirt-selling signing (a la David Beckham). Jolly seems further away than ever, in more ways than one. If we’d got a third (regardless of whether it was 2-0, 2-1 or even 2-2) the three points would be ours.

As for our goalkeeping? Oh, I mentioned that already. No matter, it’s going to be giving me sleepless nights this week. All I’ll say is this : we need two decent keepers right now. And I will say two decent experienced ones at that. That young kid in goal will be destroyed by that. All the while our #1 position takes on the Spinal Tap drummer mantle, we really do need to pull in favours from people like Barnet, Fulham (although will Sanch be happy with CBM injured?), Brentford etc. Maybe we could nab somebody from Ebbsfleet? No doubt some of you signed up for that My Football Club nerdfest, so do us a favour…….

Right now, I’m not really looking forward to Hastings. We’ve ridden our luck in two successive games now, and we’ve come away with 4 points instead of a not-particularly-unachieveable 6. We now need help at both ends of the field, and teams don’t go up with those two areas unfulfilled. I’m not saying we’re slipping back fast into the early season toss, but tonight we lost something more than two points.

Other things to note: Why does the TA bar sell Guinness in those surger cans? Why did they have the Franchise game on? Nice enough ground though. Decent enough crowd considering, too.

And one final thing – bollocks.