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B&B at the Dorchester

So, looks like everyone is getting their maps out for Oxford and Mansfield next season then, eh? Amazing the difference a week can make. This time last week your editor was considering driving to Bridgend on the way back from WSM with an improvised rope. Now all of a sudden, it’s planning the end of season party and wondering what champagne to order.

First things first, we haven’t won the league as of yet. Yes, I know I sound like a boring old tosser, every silver lining has a cloud etc. But lest we forget the orgasms after Newport beat H&R, and we know what happened soon afterwards, didn’t we? We have another seven games remaining, and whilst four of them are at home, we still have to be careful. By all accounts today, we were pretty shit in the first 40 odd minutes. And we could have been a goal down if it wasn’t for Jamie Pullen.

But Main scored, and thankfully so did Kedwell, and we continue on for another day. Actually, it’s good that DK netted, because going for nine games without a goal sucks for a striker. Mind you, JM also had a similar drought and now look at him. The two debutants certainly made their mark, especially Saunders who, it’s fair to say, had a slightly lukewarm reaction upon people finding out he’d joined.

Still, I don’t blame people if they’re starting to get a little bit giddy. The maths are starting to move in our favour, certainly. The Axewounds have to now win three more games than us to draw level, and that includes their game in hand over CCFC. In effect, we have to lose half our remaining games for a team to realistically catch us up. And that is if they keep winning – it appears that their luck (and their energy) is starting to run dry. Every season, a club is doing well then stumbles and freefalls. Last year it was us, and this season we thought it was the Champions Elect. Maybe, just maybe?

One thing that cannot be denied today is that a major psychological hurdle was vaulted over. At this stage of the season, getting three points is one thing. Seeing the team directly below you get their arse stretched is another. It’s ironic that it was this very weekend last year where we lost 3-2 to Chelmsford at their place, and basically condemned us to playoff hell.

Of course, days like today mean jack shit if we don’t follow up on them. This is where we need to redouble our concentration. Our opponents next Saturday gubbed H&R 4-0 today, and while we’re eternally grateful, any team that can do that to the Axewounds can cause us problems as well. But that’s a week away. For now, I suppose you might be forgiven for allowing yourself a little mental breather and maybe the occasional cheeky little peak to divisions above us. Only an occasional one though.

I was going to tell you about my day at Woking v Wrexham, but I won’t bother. Although I did see the Dorchester team bus on the M25 at about 1245pm just about to turn off to the A3. I did wave at them. So instead, I’ll let ECW talk you through his day at KM….

Another gladatorial battle between two teams of hungry passionate young men intend on coming away with a home win at all costs………..BBC1 Sunday afternoon 3pm.

Firstly apologies for grammatical errors and huge information gaps from yesterdays game. If you are that bothered you should have been at the Meadow of Kings! Look at those ugly celebs schlepping up Kilimanjaro, if fatboy Moyles can do that the least you could do was jump on the 131 to Kingston.

Back to the battle at Kingsmeadow……….. Hilton 2 Dorchester 0 (why abandon a perfectly decent formula?)

Still smiling from hearing that Manure got stuffed at home by Rafa’s army a beautiful sunny day greeted the 2 teams as they strode out of the tunnel onto the lush turf of KT1.

A truly dreadful first half played at walking pace by men who clearly didn’t have a clue how to break down the world class Dorchester defence came to life in the 40th minute when their No 9 wasted a glorious one on one after some woeful defending by Kenedy Adjei, When we tie up the Championship I think Kennedy should buy James Pullen a large one such was the importance of his stiff arm save. I think we were all expecting Kennedy to be swinging from a hastily constructed scaffold somewhere behind the Tempest End if they
had scored!

Time after time in that first half we had a man in blue opting for the sidewards pass instead of attacking that big oblong thing with a net attached, such lack of ambition turned the normal cauldron of noise at KM into something resembling the clock end at the Highbury Library.

You can only imagine the rockets Terry Brown had lined up to shove up various anuses at half time.

And then the moment when we realised that God is a Womble……. quick one-two between one of their defenders and the Main man and the ball nestled cosily in the back of the onion bag…….Thank fuck for that!!!!………….Half time immediately as they kicked off.

And then we hear that H&R were losing 2-0 at Welling………..At this point we had us winning, H&R losing, Manure beaten, Wales losing and that disgrace of a team up the M1 not winning……..long may it continue. (History will tell us that unfortunately 2 of those ‘idyllic’ results were reversed).

Second half was barely 120 seconds old before Danny Kedwell lifted the ball over an advancing goalie to make it 2-0, cue pandemonium in block B of the main stand.

The second half was played at a much better pace than the first half and after seeing Liverpool demolishing Real Madrid it really sums up what an easy game it is, up and down the park with pace, towards the goal, and try and beat the odd defender………easy!

The other startling conclusion I came away with today was the complete lack of pace in the Wimbledon line up, even Jon Main seemed to be struggling, our defenders (Judge, Inns, Davis, Conroy) strolled around the back completely unable to inject any life into the team, really quite depressing, expect a wholesale clearout WHEN we go up.

Plus points: Obvious really. That and Fash mark II coming on in the 67th minute (Kezzie Ibei?), looks like the big strong uncompromising Centre Forward we have needed since Joe Sheerin stopped looking after himself.

Minus points: Too dull for large periods.

Them: One of the poorest teams I have ever seen, not one player stood out, got stuck in, or took a shot on goal as far as I can remember, not even dirty enough to get a player booked or get barracked by the Moan stand (wearing an alice band is surely enough reason?).

Was it worth it? Dunno…… anything?

Referee: Did we have one today?

Champions by April.