Skip to content

Fried Shrimp

Oh dear, I feel obliged to write something about losing 2-0 to Southend. This is really going to be a pretty short and lackluster report – after all, that will mirror the team…

– No shots on target says it all, really.

– To be fair, we didn’t do that badly in the first half. And actually managed to carry it on for a little while in the second half. Of course, they scored and our heads just dropped.

It was as though we came with a gameplan for it to be 0-0, it failed and we were struggling around for fresh ideas and inspiration after that. I’m reliably informed that Swindon away was very similar to today. Mind you, after the game at the County Ground, things on the transfer front kicked into life a bit…

– Got speaking to a friendly Southend fan after the game (a mate of Kevin Borras, former OS report scribe and more importantly the guy who got your editor to and from Eastlands), and what he said may well sum up our problems:

We can only play for seventy minutes.

He’s absolutely right, of course, and it does suggest that if you want to find out how you really are, ask somebody who isn’t attached to AFCW. Question is, why can we only play for a limited time? While we think of answers, one can go down the list of cup games involving lower division sides throughout the year, where the higher placed side always comes through in the end because the lower placed side can’t sustain it.

Mind you, we should be able to be above that. How often were we told in the Conf that staying in L2 would be a piece of piss for any semi-decent Conf side?

– There was no Jack Midson. At least, not starting. Maybe the rumours about him going to Swindon (or Colchester) for £250k are true after all. He came on for Prior and we managed to look even less effective as a result.

So, should we play him if his mind is clearly elsewhere? Or if he and our manager really aren’t quite seeing eye-to-eye now? We could still do with his goals, but if he’s on his way out we could do without him being injured. It would undeniably be a shame for his time with us to go out in such a way, but it’s nothing you weren’t used to in the WFC era.

Still, it was Prior and Harrison up front. Prior still looks short of match sharpness, and looks like he needs a decent pre-season under him. Harrison? He ran about a bit more than usual, but even my dead nan could. Is this going to be our new partnership next season? Don’t worry, there’s still time to cancel your season ticket.

– I have to say, I thought that Southend could have been there for the taking a bit, Bradford beat them 2-0 not so long ago. Plenty of anti Ryan Hall chants. Bet he doesn’t even know why (hint: it was three years ago today, you little cunt). And it seems the locals didn’t like us suggesting they were West Ham fans.

Fair play to their rather, ahem, portly physio who looked like he enjoyed the local produce a bit too much. And took it in good humour.

– Unsure about that novelty condom as a mascot. Oh, it was a shrimp. Not to mention Elvis The Eel – presumably named because the guy inside it was found on a toilet in a comatose state.

By the way, what is it with clubs and cheerleaders? Sorry, dance ensembles. We have some at KM, although true to form they are trying to sell something 😉 Southend had some (presumably legal) dancers too, suitably dressed up as your typical Essex bird as well. Lest we forget the Swift Chicks from back in the day at Heybridge.

Oh, and if these routines are to give a couple of boardroom members of these clubs a bit of half time perving, methinks the nonce squad should be heading towards Accrington’s ground next game…

– Speaking of Essex, remember when we used to play there almost every other week? Passing roadsigns for Chelmsford felt like a step back in time, and one I don’t want to repeat in a hurry. Even if the weather was similar to such “joyous” occasions.

Once again, as these sort of reminders illustrate – we’ve come a hell of a long way since those days. Let’s keep them a distant memory.

– Finally, 811 of us wasn’t too bad, although you have to wonder if we could (or would) have taken even more had the weather and trains (and team) been more favourable.

It did seem one big cock-up though. Signs outside telling people to sit in their designated seats, then stewards telling people they could sit anywhere. Then the rather strange sight of the empty block next to us being opened up and it getting filled in under 5 minutes. Did they really expect less than 400?

Perhaps it’s just as well we took less than 900, as I’m not sure if they would have coped. Oh, and those barcode scanners on tickets – no doubt some bright spark decided that it would make Roots Hall look like the Emirates. Just think that the money used on something as pointless as Kieran Djilali could have been spent elsewhere. Like bleach in the toilets. Christ, they made KM’s bogs look habitable…