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Whelp with delight

Forget all this Brexit bollocks, we’ve just made our second signing…

Welcome to AFCW Chris Whelpdale. A player who has been around the block, somebody who many of us have vaguely heard of, and most importantly of all has decent L1 experience.

He’s a winger, perhaps to replace Rigg, and he’s the sort of signing that I would have hoped we’d make. No, he may not win us the title, but as long as he helps us avoid the drop, that’s all that matters.

NA seems happy to land him, obviously:

“Chris was at Stevenage last season and for me he was one of their best players. There were a couple of players at Stevenage that stood out as better than the level and Chris was one of them.

His goalscoring record from midfield has been exceptional over the years. Last season I think he scored nine goals in 20 games, but he had a couple of niggling injuries towards the end of the campaign.”

Bold bit mine. Given that we’ve lost Azeez and the Akinfenwa Merchandising Machine, our goalscoring potential has been dented somewhat.

And our midfield-to-goals ratio hasn’t exactly filled one with confidence over the last couple of seasons. So assuming he’s not a crock, and he really was in demand, this doesn’t seem a bad signing.

I mention “crock” here, as you might remember him for a particularly nasty injury. Yep, it was he who got his scrotum literally ripped when he was playing for Gillingham about four years ago – which is why you may remember his name.

At least it proves he has a set of bollocks. Or did have, anyway.

So, that’s two new signings in the new Admiral shirt for next season (available from next Sunday, before the AFCW merchandise department gets all arsey). And I have to say, about time too.

I know it’s been close to a month since Wembley, and as such our own close season has been truncated somewhat because of that. But considering we’ve planned to get six new faces in, only one before today has been a little bit eyebrow raising.

We’re only five or so weeks away from playing Walsall, and I don’t think we’ve even gone into pre-season training yet. It doesn’t quite matter on that regard, but the proper games can very quickly sneak up on us.

A cursory glance at the PSFs announced thus far suggests we may have already filled up all the planned slots. That we’re starting on the Tuesday rather than the previous Saturday may hint at our thinking for this season.

There’s a lot of games in quick succession (four in a week), and it does seem a little bit rushed. Although if it ties in with us planning to sign players late, it might make sense.

With La Manga cancelled (seemingly due to cost of it, which may explain in part why YGT stopped sponsoring us), and no obvious training camp this year, it looks quite a low-key buildup to the new season this time round.

Obviously, what you don’t want is a pre-season like TB’s final one in charge – I think that showed what happened when you pretend it’s solely about fitness.

Also, I’d like us to go down to Margate (cue Chas n Dave) and not put in a shitstain of a “performance” this time around. The last time we went there was embarrassing, even if it was just the first pre-season game…

Still, at least it signfies the end of the close season, and you can start feigning interest in meaningless fixtures again. Not to mention spending half of it wondering who the fuck our new players are.

Oh, and one final bit of news – we’re at Swindon on Good Friday rather than Easter Saturday. Given our record on that particular holiday, I think it’s fair to say you’ll be better off at home…