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Save Sarah – don’t let Chip win

sarahSomething disturbing is happening at football grounds up and down the country. Placards, carried by halfwits who would probably be better off watching speedway, are being displayed up and down the country deplicting the phrase “Save Chip”. Who is this Chip? Who are his friends? And to what social class does he belong to? Such placards have caused many seconds of pub discussion and has even got a line or two in such publications like 442.

The “Save Chip” story is basically the following : there is a guy, who’s name is Chip. He is going out with a woman called Sarah. But this Sarah will not let this Chip watch any football. Not live, not even on the television. He is a football fan, and still wants to endulge in his non-carnal pleasures. Therefore, he has enlisted the help of Soccer AM, a “fun” football-based programme, broadcast on the Sky Sports network on Saturday mornings, with the invaluable assistance of the producer and presenter of said show, one Tim Lovejoy. The campaign was entitled “Save Chip …don’t let Sarah win”, and it has appeared that it is gaining momentum week by week

The organisers behind this campaign consider it a bit of “fun”. But instead, SW19’s ARMY can reveal that it is in fact a scam. A mass indoctrination episode encouraged to exploit and subversify. This campaign must be stopped, and all who participate in it made to repent. Confused? Read on.

It is a strongly held belief that this scenario being presented to us today is in fact fictional. Consider the following : Soccer AM is losing viewership fast, and is facing the Sky TV axe. It is losing viewership simply because the output of the programme consists of loads of shouting, unfunny jokes, uninteresting guests and features, compounded with Tim Lovejoy repeating ad nauseum about “the mighty Celsi”. Needless to say, any broadcast service fronted by a Celsi fan must be terminated immediately by the ITC.

So why do people watch this? Simple, because Tim Lovejoy has a co-presenter called Helen Chamberlain, a blonde, under-30 years of age Torquay United supporter, who we are told is the acceptable face of female football supporting. SW19’s ARMY has no doubt that if Ms Chamberlain looked like the back end of a bus (and it has to be said, that Ms Chamberlain is hardly Liz Hurley), she would not be so popular, and she is merely a cynical Sky TV plant to force the elusive 16-34 male demographic to watch with their testosterone levels. SW19’s ARMY is not fooled by this, and neither should you be.

The scenario could well be true, but there are fundamental flaws. In addition to the above commercial aspect, there is no known male first name in the UK called “Chip”. Chip is in fact an American slang name, like Chuck is for Charles. Given the history of football supporting is either stemmed in the bleak working class districts of England, where names like Albert and Harold are commonplace, or in the nouvelle-riche New Football enclaves, where Americanization (sic) is sneered upon and all pretentiousness and artifical existance is revered, such an obvious New World name would be frowned upon and is unlikely to be chosen for a football supporter.

There are considerable doubts whether a campaign like “Save Andrew” or “Save Steven” would be as effective and “marketable” – Chip is a monosyllable, and is probably easiest to sloganise. The main backer of this movement, one Mr Lovejoy, is well known to have changed alligience to Celsi from Watford. A fraudulent move in itself, which will surely heighten claims that the campaign is being falsified to attact support. Mr Lovejoy’s record in false activity is well known, and therefore through guilt of association, the campaign is more than likely to be irregular.

There is the likelyhood that the campaign is indeed genuine, and that there really is a person called Chip being prevented from watching football by Sarah. But if so, this is no reason to start displaying “Save Chip” propaganda. From a humanist perspective, it is a sure mark that “Chip” has no self-esteem. He has through his own choice locked himself into a possessive and manipulative relationship. If he had any strength, he would figure out a way of being able to compromise with “Sarah”. In relationships, compromise is important, and it seems clear that such underhand methods suggest that compromise is not an option.

In layman’s terms, Chip is a “wuss”.

From a feminist perspective, the campaign is there to humiliate a woman who may well have just reasons for not letting “Chip” watch football. The campaign is contributing to male patriachism, oppressing female progression and merely trivialising the struggle that the “fairer sex” have endured throughout the last century. Regardless of viewpoint, there is no justification to support such a campaign.

What of those who have subjected themselves to this? There are but two methods. The first is ridicule. Many exponents of the campaign will claim that it’s a “bit of fun”. Sadly, trivialisation has all but ruined society : in an era where a manufactured pop band reaches #1 through hype alone, “fun” can cause monumental damage. Not only has self-esteem hit rock bottom with “Save Chip” placards, a more sinister approach has occured. After the recent Wimbledon-Crystal Palace game, a female was seen sticking a “Save Chip” poster on the Palace team bus. This may be considered a “laugh”, but is in fact wanton vandalism.

The fact that such behaviour is tolerated is indicative of a morally decaying society. Regretfully, the woman in question was not apprehended. These people must be told that what they are doing is wrong. They should be disowned, disregarded, open to abuse, mocked and jeered by all right-thinking persons. They have, after all, bought it on themselves to support such a worthless cause.

There is a possibility that ridicule is not sufficient. In which case, more pro-active methods must be employed. The banner of this article states “Save Sarah …don’t let Chip win”. A play on the original slogan. If humanely possible, publish said banner, or create unofficial banners. Display them with vigour. Send such messages to Soccer AM, explaining that their campaign, to quote an Americanism, “sucks”. By fighting back in such a way proves to them that their cynical ploys have been found out.

It is your duty to support the “Save Sarah” campaign, the sanity of football depends on it…..