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Witches cove


Woo hoo. Plough Lane 3 Squirrels Lane 2 was a game that had everything. First half was pretty shocking. On the defensive for most of it, and your humble and esteemed editor cursing anyone who wasn’t #10 scoring in the 33rd minute (Golden Goal, eh? Can’t beat it), it was no real surprise when we went 1-0 down. I think my cup of tea showed more signs of life. A feeling of deja vu was occuring yet again. Second half, it was Wimbledon FC circa 1984 or so. We did have, as Wednesday, most of the possession.

This time, we did get our just deserts, but not before a subtle blend of good old fashioned fightback and the more contemporary nuance of shite defending. Firstly, we got back after some much needed pressure to make it 1-1 (no, I still don’t know who plays for us). Then came what can only be best described as the most shoddyest piece of workmanship since Montague Koppel’s contraceptive sheath split 35 years ago, when Cove went up the other end and scored about 10 seconds after kick-off. Cue much swearing, nashing of teeth and at least one person yelling “Get your cheque book out Stewart”. Oh, all right, it was me.

None the less, that was the last attack that Cove had, and it was vintage Wimbledon style pressure from then on. Perhaps one of the best goals scored this season followed, again I forget who did it but we all went wild, bundled, hugged each other etc etc. That kind of thing. It was likely that the whole thing was petering out into a draw, until about 4 mins from time, when some more classic Wimbledon pressure gave us a nostalgic blast from the past : yup, a goal.

Cue mass delerium, us going wild, bundled, hugging each other etc etc. In fact, I think this kind of male (and the occasional worried female) physical bonding shows the togetherness that has been sewn up through AFCW. Either that or we’ve got repressed sexual feelings for each other that need to be released, preferably at night in a layby. Ahem. Anyway, that was that. And I’m too drained yet again to expand on on-field proceedings. So….

Plus points: We won. Against a decent side. One of the best comebacks going. Knowing where the goal is. Terry Eames’ reaction after the game. The players reaction after the game.

Minus points: Our defence is still shite.

Crowded house: Sadly, only 3330 turned up. I guess the problems on Wednesday put some people off.

The referee’s a …….. : Again, nothing untowards. He did apparently send a Cove player off as well.

Quotes: “At least you’ve been finally put in a cage” – quite a few people to CUNW, who was turnstyling. Rumours that nice Mr Policeman was amongst them is totally unfair and incorrect.

Spotted: A rather quiet Yeovil Town fan in the main stand………

All right guys, harmony now: As I think will be the norm this season, it was really up to us to do our own chants. And guess who got most praise? Brighton. “Seagulls” and “We love you Brighton” was given an airing, along with a “Still hate Crystal Palace clap your hands”. Sorry, but why hate Palace? I don’t share the antagonism, seriously. OK, some of their fans are pricks but then so are Derby’s. Moving on, “We are going up” may be a bit premature but funny none the less. No Champagne Song though.

Every silver lining has a cloud: The evil scum down Grand Dive, aka Raynes Park Vile, are disturbingly sitting top of the CCL and staring down almost mockingly at us. This is a disgusting situation and I hope that when justice prevails, they will be begging for forgiveness. Honestly, some people really don’t know their place..

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Guy getting done for selling unofficial merchandise. Blimey, we even have our own bootleggers now. No doubt like all such other instances, the unofficial stuff will be better quality than the over-priced official garb. (2) Did I see the first person getting slung out of an AFCW game after our second goal? (3) A fluffy dolphin found its way onto the pitch after its owner dropped it. Nothing untowards, except the dolphin has now been given a ban for the rest of the season for breaking ground regulations. (4) The rather, ahem, bizzare sight of a well known AFCW steward doing the Dambusters plane impression after our first. And we trust these people to get us out of an emergency situation

Franchise FC Watch: 3330 vs 2522, including about 600 gimps. Considering that BHA would be one of the biggest attendances that MKFC would expect, that is disasterous. Being beaten by a newly formed club no less than SIX divisions below them is the ultimate humiliation. There was talk of a funbus coming down from Bucks, though obviously they didn’t trouble in the end. Anyway, here’s a new game for you : pick what excuse Koppout is going to make for such a shite attendance. You may select from one of the following scenarios : it was raining, it was summer, the Test Match was on, the likely invasion of Iraq, Palace fans or a bank holiday weekend. Please note that telling the truth will regretfully get you disqualified.

Meanwhile, the next stage of the Good And Right vs Franchise FC is about to get a more sinister turn. A certain Franchise FC fan, who is Scottish and used to do away travel (and it is who you think it is) was shown a copy of Y&B and immediately snitched to MKFC about AFCW using the honours. To which Franchise replied “we know, and our solicitors are on the case”. A mention of trying to bankrupt AFCW was also bandied about. Hmm, prepare for some nastyness, Rent Boy himself has made a passing comment over this. I am assured that AFCW have checked out using the honours, and it appears that no one entity can claim the history. Won’t stop Koppout though, and IMO we need to try our damnest to make him look an even bigger cunt than before over this. Be prepared. And there is one Franchise FC fan who won’t be welcomed anytime soon at AFCW…

Anything else? Yeah, what was that tune we came out to? Or rather, what was that distored analogue signal that we came out to?

Was it worth it? Hell, I enjoyed it.

In a nutshell: Watch Ash burn us