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Hawaii Five-Oh


Well we were due to give somebody a good arse whipping one of these days, and Frim 0 Prim and Proper 5 might be it. Good thing is, it wasn’t even our best performance of the season. Whether it was because they couldn’t cope with our travelling support, switching grounds or whether they were just shite and we were good is irrelevant. As for who scored, Joe Sheerin finally lived up to his job description and netted twice. Second goal was the result of a miskick which found Coops, which was quite funny. Danny Oakins (I think) also netted twice. No idea who got our other one though, I’m still not that hot on the names of our players.

Enough of that boring shit, here goes….

Plus points: A win. 5-0 one at that. Away from home. Excellent performance. Everything gelled. Defence looked solid. Joe Sheerin scoring twice. And Danny Oakins.

Minus points: Doesn’t KC look a little bit short of confidence?

The referee’s a ………. : Weren’t bad at all.

Help the Aged: The Frimley goalie and the linesmen. No truth that they are to star in the next edition of “Last Of The Summer Wine”

AWOL: Simmo. Where did he go? Did it involve headless corspes? Swimming pools? Mountain goats? Charles Koppout? Who knows…

Frimley Green: Whether it was just nerves playing a massive club like ourselves or just sheer shiteness I don’t know, but they really weren’t that good. Had zero shots on target, if that. They were lucky to get nil. Coincidentally, saw the two FG fans beside me. One was wearing a Man U piece of merchandise and was referring to one of their players at “number 10”. Hmm.

This is my song and I’ll sing to you: Boy, did the keeper get it today. He was spared whether he liked receiving anal penetration from another male, but as he was ancient (well, 35 is ancient for a bloke AFAIAC anyway) he got “Old Man” quite a bit. Along with a quizzical assertion of “Does your grandson know you’re here?”. We also showed knowledge of the political hot potato of retirement schemes with “Where’s your pension gone?”, a question I’m sure the Prudential will have to answer in the next mis-selling scandal. More vindictively, when we went 5-0 up, “Keeper keeper give us a save” was maybe rubbing it in a bit too much. Meanwhile, “Same Old Wombles Taking The Piss” and the CS got much welcomed airings.

Point to ponder: Was the Frimley goalie wearing a Dons Trust baseball cap? Didn’t half look like one. I am fully expecting in future to hear that no opposing player entering the field at Ks will be allowed to play until they have joined the Dons Trust.

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Those buses to/from the ground from the station. Who paid for them? (2) The yellow shirted AFCW 12 year old who did a rather long (at least 20 min) foetal position in the bushes by the station. Didn’t exactly look healthy when he finally got up. Drunk too much orange juice did we? (3) Sheerin scoring. (4) Didn’t Frimley’s kit look like our temporary one from the pre-season? (5) Sheerin scoring again. (6) Was there only 1089 there? Looked much more. (7) Nice tea. Seriously, it was nice tea. (8) Going the whole game without a sniff of Hawaii 5-0 anywhere.

Plus ca change: Rather like Franchise, we too seem to have an ability not to score more than 5 goals in a competitive fixture. Who said we’re not the real Wimbledon? Speaking of the imposters who pretend too hard that they’re really from MK….

Franchise FC watch: Lost 1-0. Haha. Below Palace and Millwall now, which is something we NEVER had happening all the while MKFC was WFC. No idea of how they played or indeed how many gimps were there – and funnily enough I don’t really care much these days – but I wonder if Mark Williams is still acting as AFCW’s double agent?

Hello mum: New (ir)regular feature. Purely for people who want to be mentioned in SW19 reports, so here goes : one person I know spent most of the time hiding from people. Funny, this person is normally so outgoing. Can’t think why. Oh, and did somebody I know who is quite respectable (compared to your editor, certainly) really suggest I take up stewarding? And I was checking for crossed fingers as well…..

Anything else? Yeah, isn’t it quite nice that the players are going for hat-tricks every time they get two goals in a game? Committment, that’s all we want. Well, apart from skill, and excitement. And goals. And a few hard challenges. And some alcohol.

So, was it worth it? Let me take a deep breath and lie back. This was reminding me of years gone past. This was a nice feeling. Not a false feeling, not a pretend state of mind where everything was alright when it wasn’t. This was a nice feeling. The nice feeling I had in 1989, and 1990, coming back from QPR at Loftus Road. The nice feeling I had at Spurz 88. The nice feeling I had when I saw us beat the Arse at PL then coming back home to find the World Cup draw was a total cock up. That kind of feeling. Worth it? Nah……

In a nutshell: One, two, one, two, three, one, two, three, four, five nil.