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New year, same old problem, and it’s fast turning into a rather nasty habit : Curry House 2 Dirty Cheating Gits 2 it finished, and I am sorry but I am now seriously concerned about our defensive prowless, or lack of thereof. What was that comment made about Dave Boyle in women’s clothing being better in defence some while ago? Hmm. Yes, I know we came back, and we should have been two up by half-time in both senses of the word (anyone see that stamp the #9 did?) but really, we are not even going to finish third at this rate. It’s exciting and guaranteed to blow your blood pressure, but please…

Quick match summary, as I’m in that kind of mood : put loads of pressure on, they kicked us a bit. Not getting anywhere. They kicked us some more. We got frustrated and they kicked us some more. Then they scored and kicked us. We sort of lost our way, then they kicked us. They went 2-0 up and inbetween kicking us, they kicked us some more. We got back into the game with a penalty, which came because they kicked us. Coops scored to make it 2-1. They kicked us. I think inbetween kicking us we scored and they got a man sent off. I lost track after this point as they were doing more than their fair share of kicking us. Put on some more pressure and they kicked us. Then they kicked us. No more really needs to be said, except that they did kick us a bit.


Plus points: Coming from 2-0 down. Good attacking.

Minus points: Defence – nuff zed.

The referee’s a……. : Well, he was announced in the rehashed Y&B that he was TBC, though your definition of the “B” will probably vary between “bloody” and “bald”. He, er, “waddled like a pregnant duck” which I thought was a bit unfair. On the duck. At least the webbed feet animal got a shag, which is more than I bet that blind cockstain of a ref ever got in his life. Perhaps that explained why he looked really frustrated, either that or he was just plain shite, shocking and should never be allowed to referee another of our games ever again (and I didn’t call him a cun…. oops)

Them: Had a Sunderland era kit circa 1974. Looked pretty much like it was made in 1974 as well. They as predicted attempted to wind us up chronically. Sadly for them, it backfired. I am not laughing.

Chants would be a fine thing: Nice to see the Champagne Song get its usual un-PC and ironic airing. Meanwhile, inbetween Southall kicking us, there was a nice bit of a contretemps going on between one of our heroes and a glove-wearing Southall animal. Suffice to say, “Who’s the wanker in the gloves?” echoed from the West Bank…

Womble aggro: (1) The Main Stand were not their usual meek, god-fearing, mild mannered selves today. Indeed, it was a bit of a cauldron of hate. Anyway, after we scored our second, at least one of our number reportedly went to the perspexed away dugout and banged on it very hard. Leading nice Mr Policeman to have strong words with said individual and indeed kept an eye on the hardcore Womble firm that had manifested itself in the Main Stand. And I don’t mean the Batsford Boys either

(2) Now, in general, I tend to like our stewards. Even my own personal designated one. But there is IMO creeping up a little bit of, well, Selhurstisation of one or two orange bibbed wazzocks. Point today : in the second half, up the Athletics End, I was being hugely entertained by two kids. Hell, it was far better than some of what went on the pitch. Towards the end, a senior steward came up to the father and told him to – gasp – “stop gesticulating, there are kids about”. Now, I’m not a parent (and a collective sigh went up everywhere) but I always remembered when I was a kid that swearing never bothered me, nor do I imagine it affected most kids. So, why did the steward think he was in SE25? If nobody complained, I would start to worry about stewarding and if indeed there is a diktat from on high about this sort of stuff. I know there have been complaints about some chants, but suggesting to a referee that he masturbates is hardly the stuff to incite riots is it? If somebody DID complain, I would instead turn my attention away from the steward and politely suggest to the complainer that this is a football match. There will be swearing, a couple of hand signals etc. Not a WI meeting. Not the Labour Party. Not a Franchise match. A proper football match. Kindly get a life.

Weather with you: Cold. Bloody cold. So cold in fact that even the family of polar bears taking up residence in the athletic track behind the ground were complaining of frostbite

Point to ponder: Mentioned it before but worth mentioning again. Southall entertained us very well off the pitch but on it they turn into something the cat dragged in. Why?

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The look on the physio of Southall’s face after receiving abuse from the crowd. No, I don’t know why either. (2) Haven’t got today’s programme to hand, but did the Batsford Boys really use the term “humanitarian” to describe themselves? What kind of kind hearted work anyway – keeping bar owners the world over in business? (3) Your humble and esteemed if somewhat predictive-accuracy challenged editor proudly proclaiming that Coops would miss the penalty. I would subsequently wish Sam Hammam a safe journey home tonight.

Franchise watch: They won 3-0.

Hello Mum: Did a well known Womble really spend New Years Eve “with my pants down trying to shag a light”?

Anything else? Yeah, didn’t Southall beat us 5-1 this season as well? Bastards, I knew I hated them.

So, was it worth it? Yes, if you’re the sort of person who likes watching things like cock-fighting

In a nutshell: Unless we tighten up at the back, we ain’t going anywhere…..