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Funny Farn


Christ O’Reilly, do I really have to make any sort of humourous, thought provoking, full depth analysis of the pile of turgid dross that laughably called itself 1984 0 Animal Farn 0? This was by far and away the worst game of the season, an experience only matched by sticking one’s head in a refrigerator for an indeterminate period of time whilst watching freshly splashed paint intently. Hell, even reading 100 Greatest Franchise Excuses would have been preferable. Normally I don’t mention what’s going on in the game because I have a bad concentration span. Today, I don’t need to mention what went on because nothing did. We hit the post – wow – and that was it. And it was cold. Bah.

I will endeavour to do some sort of match report, however, like Thursday I am finding myself seriously wondering why I’m doing all this. I think I’m ill. Anyway…

Plus points: Well, we didn’t concede a goal. The ref’s final whistle

Minus points: Between 1500 and 1700 GMT, 15 March 2003

The referee’s a ……………. : Hell, even the referee didn’t do anything untowards. He didn’t start fights, get it so totally wrong even Koppout would complain, nothing. Yes, it was that bad.

Weather with you: Cold. Bloody cold. Arctic in fact. And this is the middle of March. Spring is round the corner and it felt colder than January.

Miiiiiiiilllllllllllllwwwwwwwwaaaaaallllllllll: About 80 of them turned up today, Burberryed up, naturelment, this must have been the only time they have ever been welcomed at a football game. The editor will not admit that, when we were a Premiership club, he used to watch Millwall on free Saturdays. Anyway, earned muchos respect for singing “We salute you Wimbledon”, earned muchos quizzicle looks by singing “Chim chimmeny, chim chimmeny, chim chim cheroo, we hate the bastards in claret and blue” because….

Them: Farnham played in claret and blue. Bet they must have wondered what hit them.

Point to ponder: I did have one, but I think asking why any of us bothered turning up today was a good one. Bet the people who won WISA match sponsorship tickets must have wondered if the game was the booby prize…

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Stewards finding a 6″ knife hidden by the Athletics End turnstyles. Found BEFORE Millwall entered the stadium. (2) A turd (no, an actual specimen of human excrement) found on the seat in one of the female cubicles. No more needs to be said, though over-hearing our stewards in dealing with this was one of the highlights of the day.

Franchise FC watch: Well, about 1.8k Millwall turned up there, so we can safely assume that there was about 2.1k there at most. Ignore the official figures, I trust they counted everyone there twice. Really, that proves the bleakness of the situation there now. Yes, I know that we only got 2.8k and some nonce will claim that Franchise are more popular, but let’s consider the facts : we are a division 8 club. Franchise are a first division club. The very fact that there was about 100 more people at a South London Derby at the second highest level than at some pub team who plays at Ks says it all. Some Franchise people will claim it as success that they got higher than us today – me, I call it embarassment. I would actually be less embarrased to be in a threesome with a dwarf and a donkey*

* – in joke. Those who understand that are probably still laughing.

Some Millwall reportedly were going to go into the Franchise end today. I know I should really hope that everyone gets on together but really, I hoped that every single franchise twat was scared out of their brains and a couple of people (we all know who) got set upon. Bitter? Moi? They won 2-0 though.

Apparently, looks like has left the Franchise nest, though he now has the Lebanese Possessor Of Weapons Of Mass Destruction as his shifty boss. So, I wonder if his “200 fans” comment which so pissed us off endeared him to everyone still stands? Still, rats, sinking ships, and deserting spring to mind…

Anything else? Please, no.

So was it worth it? Do not ask stupid questions.

In a nutshell: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz