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Half Merst


I now owe the KM buyout fund one of your English pounds. Why? Well, I wasn’t going to touch any alcohol and made this abundantly clear to many. One AFCW fan bet me £1 that I would succumb when I smelt the waft of alcohol. And guess what? When I got to the bar, I fell victim to human weakness and hypocritically kept Guinness shares afloat for another day. Proves I have an alcohol problem, especially when I haven’t had a drink. Mind you, being chemically numbed was probably the best way to be when watching Dial-A-Pizza 1 Dial M For Merstham 0. I know that like Man U, we are very good at grinding out results but christ this one was painful.

Basically, Keith Ward scored within 4 minutes and that was really about it – and quite a few missed that. Our shooting at time found the sky quicker than a US Patriot missile finds an Iraqi civilian. In fact, we did go a bit circa 1986 with our arial aerieal areal high balls. We had a couple of disallowed goals and all that, they sort of got back into it but really it was hardly vintage stuff.

None the more so for that….

Plus points: We won. Without conceding a goal. Welcome return for Gareth Graham.

Minus points: Dull.

The referee’s a …….. : Actually, he didn’t do anything untowards really. Missed a couple of tackles and was told he masturbates by the West Bank but apart from that he was fine.

Song sung blue: TBH there isn’t that much singing at our games are there? Granted, I normally go down the hardcore Athletics End but I was West Banking it yesterday and we really don’t get our vocal chords sufficiently, er, vocal. OK, it was nice to hear a bit of a traditional airing of “Hey Charlie Koppel…..”, “You can stick your Milton Keynes up your arse” and the legendary Champagne Song but are we the cauldron of hate that we need at times to shit the opposition up?

Point to ponder: Pretty low crowd TBH (though 2300 odd is still monster for most non-league games AND it beats the shit out of Franchise). I don’t think people are getting bored, and evening games are never easy at the best of times, but this is starting to concern me a bit.

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The sight of our chairman, Mr K Stewart, walking around carrying many cups of hot beverages for various stewards. Quite bizzare to see a man of high standing walking round like a dolly bird. Still, at least he wasn’t carrying any cheese rolls. (2) Getting called a “journo” no less than two times last night. I have since ordered the fawn coloured mac and the trilby hat with “press” on it.

Did you know? The Merstham #2, Afis Giwa, works with an SW19 reader? Apparently he’s very fast and plays well, and he’s not bad at football either.

Franchise FC watch: They took 10 – yes, 10 – people to Naarwich on Tuesday. Reportedly bunged in the disabled sections (I will NOT make any further comment on that) and lost 1-0, buggering their playoff chances. I should laugh about how pathetic they are, but instead I’m angry. I’m angry because they’re still around, ruining it all for everyone. Why the fuck can’t they just fold up and die instead of hanging on pretending they’re still viable? They are the turd in the toliet that just won’t flush. How the fuck they’ve avoided Darwinism and still keep going fucks me off big time. Even now, the thought of Wankelmann and Koppout slamming their dicks in the door and doing horrible things with fruit in their meetings just irritates me. Hell, even the people of MK are wising up and they STILL can’t get their hockey stadium or anywhere to even TRAIN up there. There’s apparently a meeting with Koppout on 12 April, I wonder how he’s going to top himself? They are like the heroin-addled waster smelling of piss and drinking a can of Special Brew, and it makes me sick they’re still on this planet.

Anything else? Yeah, I needed that….

So, was it worth it? We won I suppose

In a nutshell: Next up is … ulp… Wallingford