When there are derby games, there will always be matches where one side proves its domination over the other that will be forever recorded and recalled whenever necessary. For example, Celtic 6 Rangers 2 springs to mind. And Celtic 7 Rangers 1. And… (can you see where this is heading yet?). Anyway, we can now add SW20 0 SW19 5 to this list of honours. This was a rout. A stuffing, no less. No longer shall we have to put up with the Grand Dive strutting around pretending they’re Merton’s Pride Of The CCL. For today, we came, we saw, we conquered, and we are the true team of Merton (conveniently forgetting T&M). And no, I am NOT trying to manufacture a rivalry. Tsh, some people…..
The game? Oh, all right then. It really was one-sided. After having more corners than the Viking Greenford game and Hampton Court maze put together, we finally netted through SW19’s player of the year, one M Everard. A nice tantilising rise that is so his trademark, giving all the ladies in the place a special Easter treat. Second goal? Robbo’s free kick was sublime. SSK eat your heart out. Third goal was a goodun, with a nice little bundle of their player in the buildup. Can’t remember the other two goals, but we should have deffo netted a sixth. All in all, a good holiday period that even Jesus Christ himself would have resurrected himself for.
Plus points: Winning. Winning good. Against that lot. Without conceding a goal to boot. All-round team performance yet again. Putting more shots than an Iraqi demonstration.
Minus points: Should have been more. And I HATE morning kickoffs
The referee’s a …… : OK, did anyone notice him? I didn’t, though I bet some smart arse does.
Them: Oh boy, where do I start? I suppose I ought to say that they are the annoying kid brother of Merton football, who while you’re trying to act more sophisticated in front of a rather attractive woman with a nice arse comes in wearing fading Spiderman underpants and starts farting profusely, leaving a rather chocolately stain everywhere and a somewhat mischievious grin, but I won’t. Instead, I’ll ask why they froze so much. Seriously, for them it was a biggun, probably more big than all the other teams in the CCL. And they just looked, well, ordinary. Go figure. They did get into it after being 4-0 down, though I think we’d stopped to have a cup of tea and an easter egg at that time, and they did get the ball over the line for a legit goal, which the lino missed. But who cares about that? I don’t.
Sing for your supper: Again, don’t think morning kickoffs are fun, Ash felt pretty toilet for partly this reason and today was pretty muted. Still, “One team in Merton” got an airing, as did “Are you Palace in disguise?”. Some Celsi dickhead (are there any other sorts of Celsi fan?) started larging it and got it in the mouth (no, not like that). Kept quiet afterwards…
Point to ponder: Seriously, wasn’t it quiet? Can’t think why………………
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The obvious one – why is the first Merton derby in 200 zillion years being played OUTSIDE the borough? Answers on a postcard c/o London Borough of Merton, Crown House, Morden SM4, where they will be discarded or used as rollup material. (2) Why was I so nervous/tense before this one? It deffo had a vibe to it, this game. (3) Your humble and esteemed editor shouting “take a shot” to Robbo before the second goal.
Hey man, nice Shot: After the game, I went to watch Aldershot get promoted at GGL. They’re now in the Conference, which is a nice blueprint for us, shows what we can do if we’re patient enough. About 10 or so AFCW fans there, hands shaken, “good luck” comments exchanged. No bodily fluids though, thankfully. Even asked us for a song. The sight of a flare being lit up then taken by nice Mr Policeman to the back of the terrace and extinguished (30 seconds later) was something else. Game itself was crap, and if I was drunk I would say that we could have beaten both teams on the GGL pitch today….
Franchise FC watch: Won 2-0. Yawn. Got about 1053. Double yawn. They ain’t going up and it’s got boring all this slagging off. Could retire this section now but it’s not too long till it ends for them. And the season.
Anything else? Yeah, am I the only one disappointed at it only being 2000 odd people there?
So, was it worth it? Does Charles Koppel have sex with horses?
In a nutshell: Here endeth the first lesson