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Who wants to win something called the Vase anyway? I remember when I were a lad that competitions were leagues, or given proper titles such as cups, or trophies. But vase? Do the winners get a crystal glass UEFA cup shaped object with a couple of daffodills plonked in some water? Still, I had a horrible feeling that Southern Softies 1 Northern Bastards 2 was going to happen (so did a couple of others as well come to think of it) and so it came to pass. There was a massive ruck in the end, which of course is what you’re really interested in , but more on that later FWIW, I think we are better out of this competition (and all the other cups as well), getting out of the CCL the right way is by far and away the best thing for us this season.And anyway, the last thing I want is for us to have got to a cup final and freeze.

As for the game, it was a load of nothing performance really. They went ahead through a bit of a scramble, we hit back immediately through Ryan Gray’s free kick. Then it sort of went a bit funny, we couldn’t string two passes together, sort of thing. They went ahead again thanks to some expert defending on our part (please stop laughing) and from then on you just knew we weren’t going to get back. We hit the crossbar once (or was it twice), their goalie made a good save, couple of scrambles that just wouldn’t go in, that kind of thing. Overall, not fun.


Plus points: We scored

Minus points: Defence looks shite. Matt Martin looks like he couldn’t handle a glass of water. A maximum of three passes were able to be put together properly. No real likelyhood of going up the necessary gear. Did Everard look like he was wearing concreted boots or something?

The referee’s a……. : I hope somebody kidnaps him and removes each individual hair in a Chinese torture style until he repents for that performance.

Them: Looked like statues, played like they’d been watching lots of tapes of Southall. Not as skillful as our lot, but they did what they needed to do and did it well enough. Some 10 Colne fans came down to t’smoke.

Womble Aggro: OK, here goes. As you can tell, the game was quite niggly, two of their players did their version of Kevin Ratcliffe, their #3 got sent off, and when one of their players got stretchered off towards the end nobody clapped him off like they normally do. Gives you an idea of what the atmosphere was like. Anyway, at the full time whistle there was silence, but on the pitch, the players were hanging around a bit. Bit unusual.

Then, there were a couple of scuffles, I believe that Danny Oakins twatted (or tried to twat) somebody (at least, that’s what the bloke behind me was yelling), yet I honestly didn’t think any more about it. Then all the players tried to walk off together, and then all hell seemed to break loose. From what I saw, a couple of Main Standers tried to get onto the pitch and had to be held back by stewards, Harvey lost it MASSIVELY, some people running about, being held off by other players, stewards etc. Confusion central. The nearer the players got to the tunnel the more the shoving and pushing happened, and eventually everyone managed to leave the field.

Now, two incidents stick out in my mind here. The first was a senior looking copper trying very hard to keep the peace between the two teams, and although I have seen a copper warn Vinny Jones at QPR once (when he was playing) I don’t think I have seen a copper do that at a football match. The second is probably more serious. As mentioned, Harvey (who despite the So Solid image, “Harvey’s Gonna Shoot You” chants is basically one of the more laid back members of the team) really looked wound up, but as the players eventually left, Harvey was walking around like somebody had kicked him in the ribs. He looked like a mixture of pain and total agony.

As ever, there is going to be rumour and counter rumour on what went on, so here is a list of what I’ve heard so far: Harvey was called a “monkey” and/or was told to “go back to the jungle” (which might explain a lot), the referee got hit, a couple of members of the crowd got hit, the Colne player sent off went onto the pitch to cause trouble, one of our players allegedly in the boardroom boasting about hitting a couple of their players. No more needs to be said about the racism comment, or the player bragging afterwards (if both stories are true) I think there will be some more shit coming out of this in the not too distant future, Keep them peeled.

The main problem now is the fallout from this. I expect major repercussions here, probably a big fine and suspensions galore. If the ref got hit, then whoever clouted him can kiss their football career goodbye. This will be a very tense couple of weeks for us, if we get out of this without some rap on the knuckles we’d be very lucky.

One final thing – the alarm went off in the boardroom as I was queuing up for Chipstead tickets, and the orange jacketed brigade were walking round looking a little bit panicky. Any further info?

Point to ponder: Was it me or was this reminiscent of big cup games in the past? Remember all them Spurz games? Leicester in the Coke cup semi-final? Hype and anticipation NEVER works at Wimbledon.

Truth is stranger than fiction: I got interviewed for some programme about warfare (“Could you kill an enemy?” I was asked. I replied something like “Probably”) for a C4 documentary. Somehow, that seems quite apt today.

Anything else? Not really. Just wondering if we’re going to have a playing staff by the end of the month.

So, was it worth it? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahah (deep breath) ha ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahah. Sorry, what was the question?

In a nutshell: Now we can concentrate on the league