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Band of gold


Drat. Poo. Floppy Disks. We play probably some of our best football of the season, and it still ends up Bandstand 1 Banstead 2. Hmph. Presumably because Banstead are of a higher level than us, and **if** we go up we’ll be playing teams like this week in week out, we were more up for it than perhaps even the Vase matches. Did somebody say “complacency”? Anyway, we deservedly went ahead through JS, but thanks to a subtle fusion of shit defending and Lee Carroll’s impression of Simon Tracey it was 1-1 before HT. Second half, we kept pressing, though the longer it went on the more likely we weren’t going to score. And true to form, just before the 90 min mark, they netted again thanks to Carroll. Cue stunned silence

What this has proven is that our current goalie and defence are clearly not going to propel us much beyond mid-table of Ryman div 1 (or restructure equivalent). Really, of our back line only Everard is the one capable of making the jump effortlessly, the rest? In all seriousness, if you’re attached to the current playing staff, make the most of it, as I doubt if half of them will be there next season. That said, if TE’s rebuilding over the last year is anything to go by I don’t think we need to worry too much about things getting done.

Enough of that boring shit about football matters, here’s the good stuff….

Plus points: Some really good passing. Getting in behind their defence. Could and should have won

Minus points: I HATE losing. Our finishing was a bit CCL level. Paul Scott.

The referee’s a…….: Well, I dunno. Did you notice him? Did he piss many people off? I don’t think so. I think he was quite all right.

Them: Apparently, they knew that they were very fortunate to win last night, which is a deffo sign of respect. Perhaps most annoyingly of all, I couldn’t find much to slag them off about – there was hardly any niggly stuff that I saw, none of their players looked like an orangutan/Jesus/8 ft tall. If promotion ensures such anonymity amongst referees and opposition players is going to be de rigeur, SW19 reports could be very difficult to write next season.

Blame it on the weatherman: A steward (no, not my own personal designated one) commented that he hoped it didn’t rain last night. Yup, you guessed what happened next. Thanks to the crazy weather this winter, I wasn’t cold for the second game in a row. Cue fainting.

Meeja whore: Your humble and esteemed editor got interviewed by a shaggable nice and polite Nog bird for some Norwegian press agency. Forgot what I said, though she did blot her copybook by referring to Franchise as the “real” Wimbledon. Must be a Scandinavian cultural thing. With her was some photographer bloke, who kept stalking me…

Point to ponder: Something pointed out last night – are all Ryman division teams forced by law to wear shirts made by Kitz? OK, the Mitcham clothing firm’s stuff seems all right – better than Tempest’s crap anyway – but should we go up I think there is no point in negotiating with any other kit manufacturer….

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Finally risking the KM tea bar food for the first time this season. Actually very impressed by the burger, which tasted of meat. Not too convinced it’s worth £2.50 though. Chips the usual quality, ie tasting like they’ve been cooked in rancid urine. (2) Being able to walk in front of the main stand unchallenged. I expect to be thrown out next game. (3) Feeling disappointment – real disappointment – after a game for the first time this season. And that’s a good thing.

Franchise watch: It just gets worse and worse. For them anyway. Add Jobi “Come and have a go if you’re Jobi” McAnuff to the list of departing players. Murdick is complaing that he only had 9 fit players reporting for training, only two older than 22 years old or something. We should show compassion towards them, but this is Franchise we’re talking about, so victriolic abuse is perfectly acceptable. Coincidentally, when Murdick quits, what sort of job do you think he’ll get? His previous employment suggests that he can accept anything, is prepared to work under self-inflicted shit conditions and is able to justify the unjustifiable with a straight face. Hmm. Wonder if Tony Blair needs a new spin doctor?

Anything else? Yeah, is the attendance of 1187 for a crap cup competition good or not?

So, was it worth it? Yes and no, it does prove that we can go up a level.

In a nutshell: League is most important thing. Always was.

And finally…..: SW19’s Ash report will not be written by me, as I’ll be in good old Ireland. In the Kingdom, if you must know. I would like to apologise in advance for any mentions of football in the Ash report, together with nice positive vibes about AFCW and human nature in general, coupled with a complete absence of boorishness. Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible. Thank you.