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Athletic ability

By the time you read this, you would probably have come back from the Xmas party. Most of you will be in some sort of inebriated state, some of you would have had sex at the party. A couple of you may have even had sex with the person you intended to copulate with. Which considering the sort of game Lazy 2 Athletic 2 was, may not be such a bad way to be in.

The game started off all right, in fact it started off more than all right. On seven minutes, thanks to Richard Butler, we went 1-0 up. A nice easy game. So much so that the SW19 reader next to me who supports a crap team in Glesga openly stated that this game would be a rout and we’d win 5-0. For some reason he buggered off after he said that. Presumably he knew what was coming as on 26 minutes, they scored. Rather quite embarrasing as it goes, as there seemed to be what the OS called “an innocuous long ball [that] was just ignored by Antony Howard … as confusion reigned among the static defence”. Or what SW19 would call a complete fuck up. From what it appeared, the increasingly much maligned Danny Naisbitt called for the ball, nobody went for it and their guy snuck in. Git.

I suppose we expected it to be a kick up the arse, but instead it turned into a kick in the danglies. Their second goal, about 12 minutes after their first one, was a good enough strike but if you’d left a child as alone as our defence did their player, Social Services would be onto you quicker than you could say “CSA”.

Half time came and went, thankfully, but instead of picking up the tempo we, er, didn’t. Somebody ought to tell our players that you play like you’re hungover AFTER Xmas day, not before. After a load of misplaced passes and aimless hoofs, on came our new hero, Leon McDowall. He ran, he livened a dead crowd up – sort of – and should have scored but managed to head the ball over from 3 yards out. Cue much cursing and gnashing of teeth.

And then, it came. McDowell, an ex-CA player no less, got the ball after a lucky breaking bounce knockdown and lobbed it to make it 2-2. Cue less cursing and gnashing of teeth, and indeed a few hoorahs and claps. From then on in, it was always likely to be a draw, even if CA attacked too much at the end for my liking.

Got all that? Don’t worry, I won’t be asking questions later.


Plus points: We didn’t lose. Got going a bit towards the end. Ryan “Giggsy” Gray getting stuck in despite not looking that fit. Leon McDowall.

Minus points: Danny N’s confidence dropping sharply. Their first goal. Their second goal. Our defence being taken apart a bit too much

The referee’s a……: This week, we found out that linesmen and referees can’t really tell offside thanks to their brain not processing the right information to determine an offside position. Today, we found out that the linesman and referee can’t really tell the rules of the game thanks to their brain not processing anything other than horse shit.

Them: I didn’t think they were that special TBH, but they had a gameplan and stuck mostly to it. Their #7 seemed to want a fight in the first 15 minutes. Their #4 did a brutal rape, murder and burning of the body tackle on Gibbo towards the end, and got a yellow for it. And their goalie had the biggest shorts going and apparently “ran like a nonce”. Still, he did clap us off at the end, which was a show of mutual appreciation and respect. Either that or he wanted to bum us in the showers afterwards.

Point to ponder: Last week, the second half got going because of DA’s wallstripper method at half time. I presume today was the same. This time, we didn’t seem to make 4 passes together. I wonder if (a) the smashed teacup method works much beyond an occasional appearance, and (b) we seem incapable of actually passing the ball on the ground. It is effective, even at this level. Perhaps we might try that approach for more than 5 minutes one day?

Trust me: Couple of thoughts on the DT election. Can’t say I’m remotely surprised at the 17% turnout. It was a very moribund campaign, a lot of the manifestoes read like applying for a position with Deloitte and Touche rather than the Dons Trust. And unless you’re the sort of person who joins political parties or uses constitutions as porn, there’s no real reason to get involved. There may be some dampened enthusiasm stemming from the Anne Eames fiasco, but for the most part the AFCW fanbase is content. The days of getting 1000+ in Wimbledon Theatre are now long gone, they belong in another era.

I’m of the opinion that mass fan participation is a modern day myth. Activism only happens when the shit hits the fan. Witness us with MK, Wrexham at the moment, various protests in the 1980s etc. It seems easily forgotten that football watching is basically a pastime – after all, did you support Wimbledon because you wanted to do sit-ins? Remember, as a fanbase we’ve fought mergers, groundsharing, relocation etc since about 1986. And 18 years is a long time without a long cessation. Rather than worry about such a low turnout, the people at AFCW/DT should be happy that people aren’t mobilising…

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Finding out that the four comedians at the Xmas party were not Danny N, the CA goalie, the ref and his guide dog. (2) Your humble/esteemed editor helping out a calendar seller by acting as a display unit. Well, I was killing time and wanted to finish my cup of tea… (3) The hAE reached capacity in the second half. Bet they only announced it to show off 🙂 (4) Being accosted by a rather drunk Santa (ie one of the W&WW sponsoring pissheads) who offered me something nice and festive from his big bulging sack. (5) The Main Stand (non W&WW sponsoring pissheads section) actually making some noise. Obviously the Stones ginger wine and liquers they had at half time.

Anything else? Yup. As seen at the game today, this year’s panto at Wimbledon Theatre is Aladdin, with special guest Spiderman. Obviously, the webbed crime fighter is a much loved and vital aspect of the traditional Aladdin storyline. What role does Spidey play anyway? Does he fight to the death with the Genie using his special web powers? Does the end come when he climbs up the wall and gets hit by a passing camel? Whatever, this must be the strangest bit of casting since somebody told Simon Tracey he could play in goal.

Incidentally, the best version of Aladdin was Paul Merton’s stage show, which featured the immortal song, “This is the story of Aladdin, it’s got some good and got some bad in. He’s an orphan, how bout that? So if you’re round his flat, don’t expect to see his mum or his dad in…”

Oh, and changing tack – hello to the guy who introduced himself to me when I was walking back to the SW19mobile. I have to admit I didn’t know who you were, but you know what it’s like when strangers come up to you around the Cambridge Road estate and know your surname 🙂

So, was it worth it? That or Xmas shopping? Hmm…

In a nutshell: Ho fucking ho.