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Bugger Bognor

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Urgh. Time to get the cognitive juices stirring again. As it’s been a little while since I’ve done one of these, I can only apologise for any abnormal gaps in quality, humour or anything relating to the football.

Before I start on Rocks 0 Reefers 2, I trust you will buy/have bought the Non League Paper and read the report on it. I’m sure most of you will gleefully point out errors to the person who wrote it. Me, it was fun writing it : the team sheet was incorrectly filled in to begin with, my reading glasses broke and the less said about the A29 the better. And worse of all, having to remain impartial…

Still, I would have happily paid* to have watched that game over again. For a first PSF it was a little bit, ahem, keenly contested. But then, as there were as many people on trial today as Nuremburg in 1946, it was going to show who was up for it and who wasn’t. The following stood out for me – Amo Kuman and Andy Douglas, the former being the sort of midfielder we need. Not afraid to get stuck in, and got a bit of a hungry attitude about him. I believe the last midfielder we had like that was Stewart Evans. Could be wrong though

* – note to football clubs. This is not a genuinely held belief on behalf of the author.

Elsewhere, nobody really stood out poorly. True, Scott Forrester looks as useful at shooting as John Gayle, but then we said that about Richard Butler last season. And yes, RB played and looks like he needs a few more weeks to get fit. Andy Little seems to punch as well as Amir Khan. Plenty of people were also asking about “our number eight”, also known as Danny Murphy. Then again, they probably thought he was the guy who plays for Liverpool/Cork City.

Oh, and for those who want to pronounce the Pole’s surname, it’s something like Voh-y-chen-kovski, pronounce the y as in yes. It may not get you too far, but it may impress your mates. And maybe the occasional female foreign exchange student from Poznan.

As for the goals themselves, buy the NLP and find out yourself. I ain’t writing it up twice 🙂

Digested all that? Good.

Plus points: First win. Away. Clean sheet. Good performance all round.

Minus points: Fitness. OK, that may not sound much at this stage, but the Staines manager last week said how impressed he was with his side’s fitness. Be warned….

The referee’s a……: Well, did you notice him?

Them: Good hosts, nice enough to visit. Pain in the arse to get to if you come from London though. Incidentally, here’s a little trick we could try for the KM pigeon problem. There were more than a few seagulls about (the bird, not Brighton fans). What the home fans apparently do when they’re losing is that they throw bread onto the pitch that BRT are defending and all the seagulls descend upon the playing surface to fuck the opposition up. Brilliant idea, I’m sure you’ll agree. Except that if Matt E had been playing he would have eaten a couple. And needless to say, if JS was still with us, he would have broken his leg after slipping on a feather.

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) OK, who’s idea was it to have the kickoff at 12.30pm? It was a wedding. A fucking wedding. Booked 18 months in advance (true love, eh?). And what’s the betting that the annoyingly happy couple get divorced within a year? (2) Your humble and esteemed editor managing to skank a free pot of tea at a Little Chef in Fontwell. Think it was my prize for ordering a Chef’s Grill and not getting a coronary afterwards. (3) The obese larger than life Salad spending the night at the local Butlins, watching Peter Andre. Seriously. It’s sad how somebody so highly regarded could lower himself to being in a place for failing cabaret acts. And as for Mr Andre..

Anything else? Yeah. I could tell the story about why Rob Ursell is really injured. But I value my life.

So, was it worth it? Possibly

In a nutshell: Nice to be back isn’t it?