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Ben Dover

Dank, cold, wet. And that was just the puns that I was being asked to put into my NLP report. Still, Immigrants 0 Asylum Seekers 1 had a degree of humour about it, assuming that your humour is suited to a late night ITV sitcom that only runs for one season.

If losing 5-4 to Crawley was a case of being outclassed, then I don’t know what this is. None of the passes seemed to work, our midfield’s contribution revolved around some, ahem, strong challenges and we were as likely to score this weekend as British Airways were likely to get a full timetable operating.

The game? Read the NLP report tomorrow, although how SS managed to miss when he was 1-on-1 I just don’t know. Their goal was all right though.

The rest wasn’t. Including the following scribings…

Plus points: It was only a PSF

Minus points: Everything I mentioned in the second paragragh above. And the weather was shit.

The referee’s a……….: Somehow, I don’t think the John Smith’s stand or our bench will be sending him Xmas cards this yuletide.

Them: Sort of the Nottm Forest of non-league, insofar as they’ve slipped down the divisions as well. The SW19 theory that a club is as good on the field as it is off the field rings true here. Seem nice enough people, and bought a few down (or is that up?) Lose marks for wearing a shirt that looks like Crystal Palace.

Point to ponder: This may be a massive over-reaction to today, but I like to think the unthinkable. Could we feasibly get relegated next season? Stop laughing. I know that some of us think we’re good enough to be champions, or at least playoffs, and the bookies like us. But if today was a taster of next season and we don’t get off to a good start, we could be in shit.

Seriously – I think too many of our fans are underestimating the task ahead of us. I remember last year when people like Slough and Hendon played us off the park, and I’m still not 100% sure that gap has been bridged. OK, today was only a PSF, and I’ll probably be eating my words this time next month, but I bet today is a lot similar to how many games will be like next season. Let’s hope this is only a dress rehersal…..

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) When was the last time we lost twice in one week in anything? (2) One for the AFCW suggestion box : buy a paper guillotine. Not only does it cut quicker than scissors, but it looks better than a press pass presumably cut under the influence of alcohol. (3) The roof for the hardcore Athletics End Tempest End going up pretty quick. In fact, wasn’t the roof structure nowhere to be seen last week? Incidentally, how long will it be before somebody complains it’s leaking?

Anything else? Yeah, we wore the new money making third kit today. And looking at it closely, I think it looks pretty, er, well, you know. It looks rather, urm…. ah fuck it. I like our home kit, it looks pretty nice. Even Chelski have ripped it off a bit. I like our away kit, a respectful nod to the past. This one? I hate it. I don’t know whether it’s the clunky looking shirt sponsor, or the early 80s Palace-esque stripes down the shirts and shorts, but it looks cheap and a bit tacky. And some other third kit haters I’ve spoken to assure me the quality of the shirt itself is pretty poor..

It will sell lots, of course, but as the old adage goes, bad taste doesn’t sell for long. And yes, I know it was shortlisted, and I know it was democratically chosen by well meaning sorts. But so was Iain Duncan Smith.

So, was it worth it? Well, you could have been at home watching the third day of the Ashes (er….)

In a nutshell: God help us if this was a league game.