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Feeling less than athletic


Oh jesus christ, what the hell can I write about Southern Fried Chicken 0 Northern Soul 0 that doesn’t dwell on the attendance, the performance, the weather, the whole charade tonight? OK, let’s try and concentrate….. er, Gordon Brown’s fucked himself up with that book hasn’t he? Shouldn’t pretend you don’t know anything, eh? Oh shit, this is a football fanzine, and I’ve got to say something about the game. Oh, er, um.

Oh yeah, Robbo played. That somewhat puts a spoke in the theory that he’ll never play for us most of the time : hell, if he’s supposed to have had a row with TB and even REMBE won’t play him in the reserves, then he’s obviously back in WFC’s good books. Unless this is punishment for Robbo. Owusu played, he skyed it. Anything else? Oh yeah, who fancies going to the JJB next week? I do, I want to see yet another new ground…..

And now, the difficult bit :

Plus points: No, don’t laugh, there were some. Honest. Like us not losing, and keeping a clean sheet – we haven’t had so many 0-0 draws at “home” for a long, long time, and like buses they’re coming all at once. Kelvin Davis looks sharp. So does Michael Thomas. Wil and Will look the biz. That kebab (a mixture of doner and kofte with heaps of salad) by the nearest kebab shop to Selhurst station – mmmmmm. And the biggest plus point of the night was the referee blowing up for full time.

Minus points: Turning up for a start. No sorry, I’m being cynical. JH played his worst game for a long while for us. So did Trond and Jupp. This was a typical 2nd round League Cup game. It was pissing down. Attendance was shit. We could feasibly go out this time next week, unless we wear our green shirts. Did we have a shot on goal? Too much like a training session again. Are we ever going to win at “home”? Come to think of it, are we ever going to score at home? I’m sure you can fill in your own minus points.

Where to improve: Not so much the team performance, I think this was lethargy with a capital “L”, but this makes me realise just how flawed the Worthless Cup is. Here’s how to improve the tournament. Play the final by Xmas, keep the UEFA cup place, but divide the draw into northern and southern throughout the whole tournament. The winner of the northern heat gets to play the southern heat winners. Make it finish on the night, slash the prices and you may sparkle a bit of interest. Hell, we got about 2,000 at best, Derby only got 2000 odd as well and there were more people at Darlington than at Middlesbrough. I hope the marketing board at Bass are reading this….

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) Panicking slightly that I am currently without transport for the second leg. (2) The calls for Leaburn to come on – now that IS fucking strange. (3) At last I have found a team with a worse away average than us – step forward the 50 or so (Northern) souls from the JJB. Sadly, my enthusiasm for this statistic has been dampened slightly by the fact that they entered the league after us and haven’t come close to the top flight.

Truth is definitely stranger than fiction: The realisation that I actually PAID to watch this.

Was it worth it? What do you think?????

In a nutshell: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz