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Jesus christ, Machetés 0 Blades 0 was crap, wasn’t it? No, make that very crap. Or so crap it could be served up on Granada Plus when they’ve run out of Professionals reruns. Or as crap as Palace. Yeah, that’s the metaphore.

I can’t really be arsed to make much comment on this game, suffice to say I had forgotten that such games actually existed. You know those games where no team was going to score whether they forgot to blow the full time whistle? Well this was it. No, I’m not going to arse about with some resemblance of a report, but at least I managed to catch up on lost sleep. Or figure out just how I am going to get to Barnsley without the help of public transport or the OSC coach. Or calculate my cheque stubs…..

Here’s a laboured attempt at some sort of analysis:

Plus points: We didn’t lose. We kept a clean sheet. Rob Gier had a nice debut, he looked like he put in a few tackles. The fact that this result did more harm to Sheff Utd than it did us. The full time whistle.

Minus points: We didn’t win. Or score. Or went out of second gear. Come to think of it, were we really in first gear?

Where to improve: A bit of directness wouldn’t hurt. Oh, and is it me or are our players generally half a yard off the pace? I am convinced that too many of our players are pissheads.

Cunt: Keith Curle. Always is, always was, always will be

Nice: Simon “Average 4.5 goals against for Wimbledon” Tracey clapping us when he went down our end. Glad to see that most people have forgotten/forgiven him for his performance against Arsenal in 1989. I said most…..

Truth is stranger than fiction: Just how wet did I get? And the Holmesdale is supposed to have a fucking roof

Quotes: (1) “Did you call me a cunt?” – TB to a fan during the game. (2) “Er, no Mr Burton, I never said anything” – alledged response back. (3) “At least the wind will blow the rain away during the game” – un-named WFC fan before the game. How I laughed at the irony…..

And you thought Mark Williams’ barnet was scary: John Hartson’s mohican, obviously to disguise the lack of success of his hair transplant. At least we now know where he’s been for the last two games.

In a nutshell: So, how do I get to Barnsley again for a 1pm Sunday kickoff with fucked up trains?