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Right, before I give Navy 4 Army 1 a rubdown, a couple of things. Firstly, the Swiss should be kicked out of international football as they were responsible for stashing away Nazi gold as looted from the oppressed Jewish population during the second world war. In the current world climate, supporting a fascist regime must surely be frowned upon by the rest of the footballing community, and UEFA must take the strictest possible action against the cuckoo-clock constructors. And no, I am not bitter. Much.

Secondly, that really WAS your humble and esteemed editor on page 22 of todays programme. Now, I know the photo makes me look (a) stoned, (b) somebody who has spent too long in the Maze prison and/or (c) suffering from HIV, but I don’t look like that really. I hope. As for the “long pause” bit, my mind went totally blank for the question. Seriously. Don’t worry, I doubt if I’ll be asked again…

As for the game, as I have to report on it. In comparison to recent games, this was a tricky one and could have ended up embarrasing us. It all started off nice and brightly, with the usual goal after 3 minutes from Seb, thus nullifying the opposition’s game plan and everyone’s Golden Goal tickets at the same time. I think we must have switched off by then, as I don’t know anyone who can remember the first half.

Plenty of people down the hardcore Athletics End were discussing varied subjects like the weather, places to go on holiday, etc etc. A very nice and pleasant time was had by all, except that Sandhurst scored to a mass roar. Well, somebody went “yep” anyway. Second half I think we went up a gear, though as a spectacle, it sucked. It looked like our 100% stuffing-all-in-sight record was about to be broken, but up popped Matt Everard to bulge the onion bag and all was well with the world again. We went up a gear, and KC (after excellent work by Paul Scott) and the returning Lee Sidwell made the scoreline a lot more respectable, even if it was somewhat unreflective.

The rest of it?

Plus points: We won. Yet again. Paul Scott is still good. Winning games we would have probably lost last season. Scraping through

Minus points: Defence has as much power and strength as a Dido album

The referee’s a……. : Hmm, yes, well. Allowed a little shouldercharge to occur.

Them: Now, I know everyone likes Sandhurst, those nice and cuddly people who bent over backwards for our first ever competitive fixture, but they disgraced themselves today. Why? Because they had the temerity to actually attack us. See, rather than read the script and capitulate at half time, they actually put some passes together and got behind our defence a couple of times. Not only was the sheer sight of them actually crossing the half way line an affront to all decent Womble sensibilities, but when they stooped to new levels of mockery and scored against us, they might as well have dropped their shorts at us and started singing RP Vile songs. I hope when we play them at their place, we give these disrespectful urchins the arsewhipping they deserve. I am disgusted by the fact they tried to make a game of it, and you should be too. Disgraceful.

Song sung blue: Wasn’t a lot going on TBH, usual fayre. Coincidentally, how come all the riff-raff who come down from the WB to the hardcore Athletics End act like they’re dead yet suddenly spring back to life when they all snuggle up under their tin roof again? Are they really as soft as shite?

Point to ponder: Is KC so put out with the comments from last season that he is now determined to score every goal with his head? He tried it again today and was quite close to scoring again. Wonder if we’ll soon be seeing t-shirts with “I saw Kevin Cooper score with his foot” soon?

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The apparent sighting of a “Rio Ferdinand is a twat” t-shirt, as worn by a member of the AFCW establishment. Totally incorrect to wear such a t-shirt of course : a real twat has a perfectly legitimate function in life, whereas you would be hard pushed to say the same about Rio Ferdinand. (2) Didn’t the first half fly by? (3) And didn’t the second half drag on? I wasn’t too sure if the ref was playing Mr Fish style injury time or whether it really was a slow-moving game. (4) The Main Stand getting excited twice. Presumably a couple of people had got through to the Telegraph’s free flight offer phone number and booked a weekend for two in Burgundy on Ryanair.

Anything else? Um, not really. Not unless you want to mention those Switzerland bastards again. Oh, and the hAL refreshment stand was so efficient this week.

So was it worth it? Suppose so.

In a nutshell: Could do better, could have done worse