Now, I know that it would be far too easy and predictable to make any sort of lame puns about BAT 0 Philip Morris 1 (played at das Volkstadion), so I won’t do any. Honest. Anyway, we lit up (sorry) the Vase with a striking (sorry again) performance, which left the home team all puffed (I know) out. Despite BAT starting off quite brightly, taking the game to us, we started to inhale (all right..) some air and went up a gear. After a massive goalmouth scramble, Bolger drilled in to make it 1-0 and we were smoking (please don’t kill me). After that, the game seemed to be stubbed out (oh shit), though BAT did try a little bit. But we were more than capable of going up a gear, and we just rolled up and got our butts out of there (runs away)
And if that level of comedy hasn’t put you off, read on….
Plus points: Won. Away (stop sniggering). Clean sheet. Could have gone a gear upwards if necessary.
Minus points: Looked a bit shaky in defence.
The referee’s a…….: Well, he was on the large side. And he did get called Hitler, complete with arm movements. But the biggest insult of all was him being likened to the notorious G&G man in the middle, one Mr Fish…
Them: Being the home team (why are you laughing?) they were pretty much up for it, probably more up for it than most of the CCL teams put together. Deffo our hardest game since Herne Bay, I don’t think we’ll win the Vase unless we make major improvements. Played in blue and yellow, which looked rather similar to ours. Also had names on the back of the shirts, not that you could read them.
Song Sung Blue: We managed to silence the home crowd pretty easily today, taking over with songs about Koppout, the CS, Chelski, sadly no Spurz songs though. In fact, so shocked were we at the lack of singing by the BAT fans that we even had to resort to “You’re supposed to be at home”. Coincidentally, in case anyone is tempted to treat this game as a home game, the Main Stand were caught making a noise, so there is no way this could ever be considered a game at our place. Oh, and “Que Sera Sera, whatever will be will be, we’re going to Upton Park” made me piss myself. No idea why, I hope it was nothing to do with the fact that I think we won’t win this competition.
Bunch of fags: Whilst checking to see if the smoking section of the hardcore Athletics End were smoking BAT’s products (no idea who Silk Cut and Mayfair are made by), I couldn’t help noticing the warning packets. Now, in my day, all you were told that smoking kills and no more needed to be said. These days, because people are quite thick, and therefore need to be told what to think, you have to have big warnings like “Smoking affects those around you” – no shit sherlock – but most of them don’t exactly inspire to give up the cancer sticks. So, how about some really offputting warnings up, like “Smoking gives you a tiny willy”, or if you’re trying to stop women smoking, “Smoking makes your bum big”? Or in case you want to make AFCW a non-smoking zone, try “Smoke these and we’ll move our next game to Bashley”
Point to ponder: Why was the BAT #8 clapping the John Smiths Stand during the first half? Was it because he was impressed by the banter between him and the stand, and acknowledged a unifying bond between fan and player, upholding the traditions and spiritual homliness that cup competitions enjoy, that will continue to be passed down from generation to generation, and further cementing the mystique of this great game we call association football, or was he being a sarky little shit?
Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The tin-foil FA Cup thingy making an appearance. Right…. (2) The sight of a paper mache packet of fags, with “We’ve got Gitanes over here”. Who said there’s no humour in football these days? (3) Only 2763 there. I say “only”, it deffo felt as full as the Vile match. Though speaking of crappy attendances…
Franchise watch: It’s the glamour of the FA Cup 3rd Round in Football Frenzyville. And how many football starved minions of MK turned up to cheer on their heroes in imported yellow and blue? 3609. Yes, 3609. Of which, about 1064 were from Stoke, at least those in the desginated away end. I have a funny sort of rage in me, not absolute anger but a niggling pissed-offness that comes through how pathetic they are. They are an annoyance, a bit like a leaking pipe that just makes a mess everywhere. It’s not even a hatred because of the way the club was stolen, but a seething rage about how completely useless and non-descript they are. They’re not anything and that what probably fucks me off more – they don’t have the decency to be challenging for the first division and they don’t even have the common courtesy to be a complete pile of horse semen. Oh, and they drew 1-1 but they probably cheated.
Anything else? Yeah, didn’t today feel a little bit more like the old FA Cup 3rd round ties of old? OK, different competition, but you were half expecting Radio Dive Live to mention on their roundup “And now to Kingsmeadow for yet another win for AFC Wimbledon, but they had to work for it. John Champion reports”. I know that last year we missed out on the fun like this, and the last year of WFC we all know about, but it was nice.
So, was it worth it? Put it this way, if we get to the final and they release the DVD/VHS/Cine 8 of the run to the final, wouldn’t you want to be in it?
In a nutshell: Smoking kills.