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The Apocalypse (West London version)

feltham_afcw_1_2002And another win, this time Feltham 1 Ford Open 2 was the order of the day. Strange day as well. The whole surroundings were a little unusual to say the very least, but more (much more) on that later. As for the game itself, we deffo equipped ourselves very well on the plastic pitch that I thought had died out along with Shoot magazine, Texan bars and Tony Blair’s credibility. QPR anyone? As sure as night follows day, we went 1-0 down due to a bit of crappy defending. Mind you, that ball looked it was going wide. We struck back with the erect one himself, Mr Everard, from a corner. 1-1. Second half, more of the same really, though we did deserve to get the goal. Sheerin looked lucky to stay on…

Rest of it? Hmm..

Plus points: Win. Away. On plastic. Fought back well. Generally solid.

Minus points: Can we EVER keep a clean sheet?

The referee’s a …….. : Hmm, yes, well…

Feltham: OK then, who remembers “Threads”? For those who don’t, it was a BBC film which was made in the mid 80s. It basically was a very graphic movie that showed what happens after a nuclear bomb is dropped on a British city, the various forms of mutation, society collapsing etc etc, go here for more info. Scary stuff, especially in the current climate, and could make anyone want to join CND. Anyway, walking into Feltham Arena today was how I would imagine post-nuclear Britain to look like.

I had visions of 1980s decaying Communist USSR when I saw the stand (see photo). The toilets were iffy and reminded me of school sports day. There were hardly any seats in the stand, and as you can see there was no roof. Which was very useful, considering it pissed down. The post-nuclear society was evident : there was a lot of dry powder on the field of play which was officially sand but I’m not totally sure. The Snickers bar, as (ahem) lovingly consumed by the WISA chairwoman (you should have seen her face whilst eating it) reportedly smelt of ketchup and looked mutated. I don’t want to know what was in the coffee. Furthermore, because of the inability of grass to grow, they have to play on plastic. Even the dugouts looked like bunkers. Oh, and no bar : reportedly the police wouldn’t let them have a beer tent.


The town, people etc? Dump. Shakespear Avenue is reportedly Sniper Alley, the whole area is a tatty shithole full of pikeys. Actually, that’s probably why the police didn’t let the beer tent in, would you trust the people round there? And at least we now know where all the country’s fairground rides are stored.

Good news BTW, Feltham are moving out of there at the end of the season.

It’s a knockout: No idea how many fatalities there were at W2K vs Southall, but they weren’t answering their phone for half time. Presumably all lines of communication were destroyed in the conflict

Mouthy: Their bench. Their ballboy gave it some as well, shame he shut up when we scored.

Beware: Vile beat the other AFCW. Anyone considering going to Grand Dive Tues? They’re playing W2K and I’m sure they’ll be oh so pleased to see us.

Truth is stranger than fiction: (1) The whole experience. Sorry to repeat it but it just has to be said. Their stand was very good once, then they built it. (2) The referee was black. Did reportedly suffer from a “war dance” comment. (3) The rain at the beginning of the second half was I’m sure worse because of the lack of roof. Either that or the nuclear winter was taking hold. If you went, check your skin tomorrow morning for acid burns. (4) Feltham’s #12 had a wet patch where his anal passage was. What had he been doing? (5) Aren’t planes big fuckers?

Franchise FC watch: They beat Reading 2-0. Yawn. More surprisingly was their attendance of 3,869 : slightly disappointing but putting it in perspective is appauling.

Question: What is it about the female species? Andrew Petty takes his t-shirt of to put on a playing shirt, displaying his torso and upper body and all the nearby women swoon. I seriously don’t understand why they do this.

Anything else? Ask me later when I get over this radiation sickness

So, was it worth it? Yes, it made me appreciate SM4 a little bit more tonight

In a nutshell: Drop the acid pill